Intake:
2 oranges
Peanuts


Burned:
300 calories


the "fast" may not have been successful, but its progress. So overall, im satisfied- but not thrilled. So off to shower, sleep, and another workout in the morning! 

Intake:
2 oranges
Peanuts


Burned:
300 calories


the "fast" may not have been successful, but its progress. So overall, im satisfied- but not thrilled. So off to shower, sleep, and another workout in the morning! 

Intake:
2 oranges
Peanuts


Burned:
300 calories


the "fast" may not have been successful, but its progress. So overall, im satisfied- but not thrilled. So off to shower, sleep, and another workout in the morning! 

Moments of weakness....

I want to eat. I want to go downstairs and grab a sandwich and some chips! and sit in front of the tv and scarf it all down! 
I was actually getting ready to head downstairs with i caught my reflection in the mirror. I stood there for two minutes, telling myself id be so proud in the morning knowing i didnt give in... walking away i felt the urge grow again... 
So like an addict running to a meeting in times of weakness, i am running to you all... 
I will not give in. I am stronger than this. I do not feel hunger. I will shrink. And be tiny. and thin. and beautiful. and i will not feel ashamed of my body and feel self conscious in every item of clothing i own. I will lose weight and be happy. And none of that will happen by running downstairs and stuffing my face with food!! 

because i want this::

not this:::

EDIT:: **** The fat girl spoke too soon... 30 minutes and 1 cup of pasta and frozen yogurt later.... I feel fatter than ever, with a big belly, and even more furious at myself than ever. What happened in 30 minutes that made me so weak? FML. Tomorrow, is DEFINITELY A FAST! even if it kills me. No food. no food. no food!!! I can do ONE DAY.. come on now. and im riding in the morning, but id also like to fit in one more work out too, punishing me for my food relapse tonight. grr. apparently i am the girl in the bottom picture! ugh. Maybe i should literally sew my mouth shut? 

Moments of weakness....

I want to eat. I want to go downstairs and grab a sandwich and some chips! and sit in front of the tv and scarf it all down! 
I was actually getting ready to head downstairs with i caught my reflection in the mirror. I stood there for two minutes, telling myself id be so proud in the morning knowing i didnt give in... walking away i felt the urge grow again... 
So like an addict running to a meeting in times of weakness, i am running to you all... 
I will not give in. I am stronger than this. I do not feel hunger. I will shrink. And be tiny. and thin. and beautiful. and i will not feel ashamed of my body and feel self conscious in every item of clothing i own. I will lose weight and be happy. And none of that will happen by running downstairs and stuffing my face with food!! 

because i want this::

not this:::

EDIT:: **** The fat girl spoke too soon... 30 minutes and 1 cup of pasta and frozen yogurt later.... I feel fatter than ever, with a big belly, and even more furious at myself than ever. What happened in 30 minutes that made me so weak? FML. Tomorrow, is DEFINITELY A FAST! even if it kills me. No food. no food. no food!!! I can do ONE DAY.. come on now. and im riding in the morning, but id also like to fit in one more work out too, punishing me for my food relapse tonight. grr. apparently i am the girl in the bottom picture! ugh. Maybe i should literally sew my mouth shut? 

Moments of weakness....

I want to eat. I want to go downstairs and grab a sandwich and some chips! and sit in front of the tv and scarf it all down! 
I was actually getting ready to head downstairs with i caught my reflection in the mirror. I stood there for two minutes, telling myself id be so proud in the morning knowing i didnt give in... walking away i felt the urge grow again... 
So like an addict running to a meeting in times of weakness, i am running to you all... 
I will not give in. I am stronger than this. I do not feel hunger. I will shrink. And be tiny. and thin. and beautiful. and i will not feel ashamed of my body and feel self conscious in every item of clothing i own. I will lose weight and be happy. And none of that will happen by running downstairs and stuffing my face with food!! 

because i want this::

not this:::

EDIT:: **** The fat girl spoke too soon... 30 minutes and 1 cup of pasta and frozen yogurt later.... I feel fatter than ever, with a big belly, and even more furious at myself than ever. What happened in 30 minutes that made me so weak? FML. Tomorrow, is DEFINITELY A FAST! even if it kills me. No food. no food. no food!!! I can do ONE DAY.. come on now. and im riding in the morning, but id also like to fit in one more work out too, punishing me for my food relapse tonight. grr. apparently i am the girl in the bottom picture! ugh. Maybe i should literally sew my mouth shut? 

Theres Good News and Bad News.

So my roommate and I havent been talking more than the casual hello... For some time now, im guessing between several weeks to 2-3 months? We started to get distant when she began dating this guy, but ever since they broke up, we dont talk at all now. She said she doesnt really feel like herself anymore, and has been blasting Elliott Smith. sad days. its the first break up though, one we all must go through- unless were cinderella... 
So while im already feeling blown off, my bestie / guy of interest today text me saying "So just a heads up, last night and today have been miserable for me... im kinda shutting down into ostracized-mode for awhie, so im sorry ahead of time for being a loner." ... going on to explain that him n his ex had a huge fight, and he explained everything that happened between him and I, and him and another girl to his ex gf. They fought, then were ok, and now shes furious with him again and wouldnt talk to him. and now hes depressed and wants to go hide within himself for awhile. So i was cool, and told him he needs to take time for himself, and giving him good (unbias) advice on the situation. he then said "im just sorry to have to cut own bestie time" "Its ok, all my friends have been cutting back time so im use to it... but just do what you need to do to figure things out and feel better.." " sorry"   
and thats where it ended. 12 hours ago. I got real sad. and then real mad. and in the heat of this annoyance, when i felt as if i were being abandoned by all my friends now, i called up the people who i knew would always be there for me. my three best friends. and like true best friends, were there for me in a second! 
So after a new lululemon outfit, 3 new dvd series (bored to death, sex and the city box set, and Flight of the Conchords) and a good mind-clearing drive later, my friends showed up, we had dinner, and just spent time together. It was what i really needed. 
So now im laying in bed, at 3 am, watching Sex and the City, still upset, but more happy knowing that as bad as things may seem, there will always be people who truly care that are there for you. 
Eating, seeing that it was a bad day, was also bad. But at the gym today, I saw my fat ass shaking in the double mirror as i was sprinting on the treadmill, and it could not have made me more motivated. 
Other than that things are great! My paintings were selected by the curator to be in a museum show. and I just got contacted by a REALLY amazing photographer to work for him ( hephotographed Obama and his family, and the Oprah "Legends" women, and more). And I am still working at the gallery, which is still amazing. And working on a high end fashion line based on my paintings as well, that my friend (in the fashion department at school) and I will show to people in New York when were done to get produced. 
So with the good and bad always balancing out, I am content to sleep now. 
Goodnight Loves.