DO IT!!

DO IT!!

DO IT!!

Intake: 1/2 plate nachos/ 1 churro. 4 diet pills

Spit & Chew: 1 sandwich, chips.

bad day. could have been worse. I got zero sleep last night and needed energy, i felt absolutely pathetic relying on food for energy.

Ive been feeling absolutely nauseous the last few days, it makes it easy not to eat. So i hope it lasts. Even though ive been failing pretty bad with my liquid fast. :/ dont judge. heh Ill get it right eventually. I need my skin to wrap itself tightly around my frame soon though, I am going to talk to people at an ED treatment facility for a research-ish project, and I cant appear to be so wanna-be esk. My body must match my mind. Is it pathetic that we compete and try to prove our illness? Maybe, but either way... in treatment or out, were all just in competition; with others and even ourself.

I miss talking to the boy, it physically aches. Not as bad as a lost love, but its just this painful nagging, that never ceases. I know i did the right thing in telling him that I couldnt fool around while he's interested in another girl, and still not quite over his ex. As much as I want to give in just to feel that returned affection, it would only hurt more. But going from talking ALL DAY, to barely talking every couple days, wtf man?! Ive known him for like 8 years, this abrupt lull in communication is frustrating. I trusted him to be one guy NOT to hurt me, and it sucks. I have to be angry with him, otherwise the sadness and disappointment is too overwhelming. Being mad simplifies the drama, on the surface. That and staying busy. I hope the girls end up being bitchy and cheap; and realizes what he passed up on for them. :p stupid stupid boys.

I wish I had an in person ana buddy here in LA.. hang out, keep each other distracted and motivated, help each other along in our process. My one friend who knows is recovering, and suggests i do too; which doesn't quite fit for my ideal dynamic.

Oh.

Stomach hurts.

Eyes heavy.

Sleep is near.

I hope.....

(I want this sweater!...)
(and this bear head!)
(and these shorts.....lol)

Intake: 1/2 plate nachos/ 1 churro. 4 diet pills

Spit & Chew: 1 sandwich, chips.

bad day. could have been worse. I got zero sleep last night and needed energy, i felt absolutely pathetic relying on food for energy.

Ive been feeling absolutely nauseous the last few days, it makes it easy not to eat. So i hope it lasts. Even though ive been failing pretty bad with my liquid fast. :/ dont judge. heh Ill get it right eventually. I need my skin to wrap itself tightly around my frame soon though, I am going to talk to people at an ED treatment facility for a research-ish project, and I cant appear to be so wanna-be esk. My body must match my mind. Is it pathetic that we compete and try to prove our illness? Maybe, but either way... in treatment or out, were all just in competition; with others and even ourself.

I miss talking to the boy, it physically aches. Not as bad as a lost love, but its just this painful nagging, that never ceases. I know i did the right thing in telling him that I couldnt fool around while he's interested in another girl, and still not quite over his ex. As much as I want to give in just to feel that returned affection, it would only hurt more. But going from talking ALL DAY, to barely talking every couple days, wtf man?! Ive known him for like 8 years, this abrupt lull in communication is frustrating. I trusted him to be one guy NOT to hurt me, and it sucks. I have to be angry with him, otherwise the sadness and disappointment is too overwhelming. Being mad simplifies the drama, on the surface. That and staying busy. I hope the girls end up being bitchy and cheap; and realizes what he passed up on for them. :p stupid stupid boys.

I wish I had an in person ana buddy here in LA.. hang out, keep each other distracted and motivated, help each other along in our process. My one friend who knows is recovering, and suggests i do too; which doesn't quite fit for my ideal dynamic.

Oh.

Stomach hurts.

Eyes heavy.

Sleep is near.

I hope.....

(I want this sweater!...)
(and this bear head!)
(and these shorts.....lol)

Intake: 1/2 plate nachos/ 1 churro. 4 diet pills

Spit & Chew: 1 sandwich, chips.

bad day. could have been worse. I got zero sleep last night and needed energy, i felt absolutely pathetic relying on food for energy.

Ive been feeling absolutely nauseous the last few days, it makes it easy not to eat. So i hope it lasts. Even though ive been failing pretty bad with my liquid fast. :/ dont judge. heh Ill get it right eventually. I need my skin to wrap itself tightly around my frame soon though, I am going to talk to people at an ED treatment facility for a research-ish project, and I cant appear to be so wanna-be esk. My body must match my mind. Is it pathetic that we compete and try to prove our illness? Maybe, but either way... in treatment or out, were all just in competition; with others and even ourself.

I miss talking to the boy, it physically aches. Not as bad as a lost love, but its just this painful nagging, that never ceases. I know i did the right thing in telling him that I couldnt fool around while he's interested in another girl, and still not quite over his ex. As much as I want to give in just to feel that returned affection, it would only hurt more. But going from talking ALL DAY, to barely talking every couple days, wtf man?! Ive known him for like 8 years, this abrupt lull in communication is frustrating. I trusted him to be one guy NOT to hurt me, and it sucks. I have to be angry with him, otherwise the sadness and disappointment is too overwhelming. Being mad simplifies the drama, on the surface. That and staying busy. I hope the girls end up being bitchy and cheap; and realizes what he passed up on for them. :p stupid stupid boys.

I wish I had an in person ana buddy here in LA.. hang out, keep each other distracted and motivated, help each other along in our process. My one friend who knows is recovering, and suggests i do too; which doesn't quite fit for my ideal dynamic.

Oh.

Stomach hurts.

Eyes heavy.

Sleep is near.

I hope.....

(I want this sweater!...)
(and this bear head!)
(and these shorts.....lol)

...........................................................................

Above is my New Haircut.

its all cut off!!!!! : one side is dramatically longer than the other, and on the short side. part of it is shaved! (between the back of my upper ear and high cheekbone area).

...........................................................................

Above is my New Haircut.

its all cut off!!!!! : one side is dramatically longer than the other, and on the short side. part of it is shaved! (between the back of my upper ear and high cheekbone area).

...........................................................................

Above is my New Haircut.

its all cut off!!!!! : one side is dramatically longer than the other, and on the short side. part of it is shaved! (between the back of my upper ear and high cheekbone area).

So liquid fast is starting tomorrow. :(

I did so well until about 530 pm.. lol then my friends decided that we should all get together for dinner. so we came back to our place and cooked.

fail.

I felt SOOOO good earlier too.

At least i can cling to that feeling :/ Long for that emptiness all day tomorrow.

I need to feel that again so badly. I was so close.

In other news, I didnt give in to my massive urges to text the boy last night .I wanted to so badly. and then this morning , i wake up, and he text me... phew. at least he still wants to talk, and he told me super nice things today, i hope that means im still on his mind, and that he'll forgets about the other ones and just pursue me! ..... wouldnt that be nice. :p

Anyways it made me happy, but im still acting all nonchalant like. heh gotta be cool.

he says he is still gonna come out n visit me, i dont know how much i believe that now. we'll see. i hope he does!!!

sorry for not commenting lately, schools been absolutely insane. but ill catch up soon. i have been reading still at least.

stay lovely and strong.

So liquid fast is starting tomorrow. :(

I did so well until about 530 pm.. lol then my friends decided that we should all get together for dinner. so we came back to our place and cooked.

fail.

I felt SOOOO good earlier too.

At least i can cling to that feeling :/ Long for that emptiness all day tomorrow.

I need to feel that again so badly. I was so close.

In other news, I didnt give in to my massive urges to text the boy last night .I wanted to so badly. and then this morning , i wake up, and he text me... phew. at least he still wants to talk, and he told me super nice things today, i hope that means im still on his mind, and that he'll forgets about the other ones and just pursue me! ..... wouldnt that be nice. :p

Anyways it made me happy, but im still acting all nonchalant like. heh gotta be cool.

he says he is still gonna come out n visit me, i dont know how much i believe that now. we'll see. i hope he does!!!

sorry for not commenting lately, schools been absolutely insane. but ill catch up soon. i have been reading still at least.

stay lovely and strong.

So liquid fast is starting tomorrow. :(

I did so well until about 530 pm.. lol then my friends decided that we should all get together for dinner. so we came back to our place and cooked.

fail.

I felt SOOOO good earlier too.

At least i can cling to that feeling :/ Long for that emptiness all day tomorrow.

I need to feel that again so badly. I was so close.

In other news, I didnt give in to my massive urges to text the boy last night .I wanted to so badly. and then this morning , i wake up, and he text me... phew. at least he still wants to talk, and he told me super nice things today, i hope that means im still on his mind, and that he'll forgets about the other ones and just pursue me! ..... wouldnt that be nice. :p

Anyways it made me happy, but im still acting all nonchalant like. heh gotta be cool.

he says he is still gonna come out n visit me, i dont know how much i believe that now. we'll see. i hope he does!!!

sorry for not commenting lately, schools been absolutely insane. but ill catch up soon. i have been reading still at least.

stay lovely and strong.

Im planning a liquid fast for the next few days. yumm

Im planning a liquid fast for the next few days. yumm

Im planning a liquid fast for the next few days. yumm

I told the boy tonight that I couldnt be someone to just satisfy primitive urges... I feel shitty and know I have to hold strong. I just hope he realizes that he really wants me, but i know i shouldnt hold my breath. :/

Im feeling awful right now though. I just want to be with him so badly, but i need it to be right.

Hopefully the lack of food will be deprive enough oxygen from my head to distract me. :p

I told the boy tonight that I couldnt be someone to just satisfy primitive urges... I feel shitty and know I have to hold strong. I just hope he realizes that he really wants me, but i know i shouldnt hold my breath. :/

Im feeling awful right now though. I just want to be with him so badly, but i need it to be right.

Hopefully the lack of food will be deprive enough oxygen from my head to distract me. :p

I told the boy tonight that I couldnt be someone to just satisfy primitive urges... I feel shitty and know I have to hold strong. I just hope he realizes that he really wants me, but i know i shouldnt hold my breath. :/

Im feeling awful right now though. I just want to be with him so badly, but i need it to be right.

Hopefully the lack of food will be deprive enough oxygen from my head to distract me. :p

Ladies..............

eating has been off n on; sometimes awesome and sometimes I just want to just peel away the layers from my bones.

Well, I always want to just peel the layers away, but most of the time I know i cant, and can work for the progress, but it takes so much time... I wish there was a more instant process. :/

Also, things with the boy are at extremes. One moment I have him totally wrapped up in me, the next he's talking to his ex and another girl and is confused blah blah blah. And ive been telling him that I do not want to be a second thought. I deserve to be that special girl- that he likes and wants to pursue and the only one he can think about. etc... And its only like that 1/2 of the time. Hes so amazing, but bc he just got out of a mega inten

se relationship, he cant rush back into another one.. but i dont know how long im willing to wait, or how much im willing to put up with. Im nervous and vulnerable... but trying to really hold strong as coming off as extremely confident and nonchalant.

So since i cannot control this guy.... unfortunately.... ill shift it, strangle my control over food. I will let nothing slide down my throat til i get what i want....

Ladies..............

eating has been off n on; sometimes awesome and sometimes I just want to just peel away the layers from my bones.

Well, I always want to just peel the layers away, but most of the time I know i cant, and can work for the progress, but it takes so much time... I wish there was a more instant process. :/

Also, things with the boy are at extremes. One moment I have him totally wrapped up in me, the next he's talking to his ex and another girl and is confused blah blah blah. And ive been telling him that I do not want to be a second thought. I deserve to be that special girl- that he likes and wants to pursue and the only one he can think about. etc... And its only like that 1/2 of the time. Hes so amazing, but bc he just got out of a mega inten

se relationship, he cant rush back into another one.. but i dont know how long im willing to wait, or how much im willing to put up with. Im nervous and vulnerable... but trying to really hold strong as coming off as extremely confident and nonchalant.

So since i cannot control this guy.... unfortunately.... ill shift it, strangle my control over food. I will let nothing slide down my throat til i get what i want....

Ladies..............

eating has been off n on; sometimes awesome and sometimes I just want to just peel away the layers from my bones.

Well, I always want to just peel the layers away, but most of the time I know i cant, and can work for the progress, but it takes so much time... I wish there was a more instant process. :/

Also, things with the boy are at extremes. One moment I have him totally wrapped up in me, the next he's talking to his ex and another girl and is confused blah blah blah. And ive been telling him that I do not want to be a second thought. I deserve to be that special girl- that he likes and wants to pursue and the only one he can think about. etc... And its only like that 1/2 of the time. Hes so amazing, but bc he just got out of a mega inten

se relationship, he cant rush back into another one.. but i dont know how long im willing to wait, or how much im willing to put up with. Im nervous and vulnerable... but trying to really hold strong as coming off as extremely confident and nonchalant.

So since i cannot control this guy.... unfortunately.... ill shift it, strangle my control over food. I will let nothing slide down my throat til i get what i want....