just video chat'd w the guy.
ugh it kills me that we both want each other and it just cant happen..... he brought up our kiss and we both got major blushed-& awkward-cheeks.

intake:
3/4 cup couscous : 100 cal

i was aiming for no food today, but thats not bad. definitely worked that off just in daily activities anyways. So im gonna pass out.
im depressed now, ending video chats w him suck. driving away after hanging out w him sucks. I wish it could just work out!

also, no food & no sleep has made me a total shake-fest all day! .... i forgot how much i love these symptoms. :}

just video chat'd w the guy.
ugh it kills me that we both want each other and it just cant happen..... he brought up our kiss and we both got major blushed-& awkward-cheeks.

intake:
3/4 cup couscous : 100 cal

i was aiming for no food today, but thats not bad. definitely worked that off just in daily activities anyways. So im gonna pass out.
im depressed now, ending video chats w him suck. driving away after hanging out w him sucks. I wish it could just work out!

also, no food & no sleep has made me a total shake-fest all day! .... i forgot how much i love these symptoms. :}

just video chat'd w the guy.
ugh it kills me that we both want each other and it just cant happen..... he brought up our kiss and we both got major blushed-& awkward-cheeks.

intake:
3/4 cup couscous : 100 cal

i was aiming for no food today, but thats not bad. definitely worked that off just in daily activities anyways. So im gonna pass out.
im depressed now, ending video chats w him suck. driving away after hanging out w him sucks. I wish it could just work out!

also, no food & no sleep has made me a total shake-fest all day! .... i forgot how much i love these symptoms. :}

and we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go

its 3:30 am and im getting ready for a run because i've been doing homework all night (and some slight procrastination, yes). I need to get my work out in. It's been about 2-3 days i believe since my last work out. Maybe longer? Finals have my head spinning.. 

       So I have to be at school at 8 to pick up my photograph, then change my tire, then work, then therapy, then work on this photo piece aaaalllllllllllll night, and then the next morning first thing bring it to the framers. ugh This schedule is death! It's all over in like, 3 weeks though. 

       So, I have to see my therapist tomorrow, and my family this weekend and I've been snacking on anything I can get my hands on during these finals 1) to procrastinate, 2) boredom, 3)stress.   and I definitely have gained, hopefully not much. Too scared to step on the scale. I was doing so well just a week ago too. But i know theyre going to see me and think im totally fine now, eating well, no longer struggling but the thoughts now are just the same, if not worse now because im so unhappy with where im at. Ive been taking 4 diet pills, 3-9 laxatives,& 4 diuretics a day. 

      My friend called the other day, i think shes doing better w her purging n stuff, but she told me shes concerned for her friend because shes been restricting and going to the gym like, 4 times a day, and has been losing weight super rapidly...... bitch. hah im so jealous. I wish i had the time to go to the gym 4 times a day! Anyways, thats sort of a sick motivation for me. To compete with this friend of hers, be thinner, be better, be sicker.. And in like 4 weeks, im going to NYC and will see two of my cousins, (both of whom were in rehab for drugs) and they both know, maybe just one, about my struggles with eating, and if i show up as a huge porker im going to look like a total fool. Telling someone you dont eat and are in therapy for possible anorexia and then i show up, rollie pollie. nah, i gotta make em panic! hah I want to hear those whispers again, friends commenting quietly about how im too thin, my pants are baggy, trying to shove spoonfuls of food down my throat. I miss that!  

BOY:  Im still totally hung up on my friend from norcal, i cant help it, every guy i sort of like is  constantly being compared to him in my head, and no one matches up. it drives me crazy!! believe me, it would be so much easier to not like him. anyways, he's still w that chick who is totally insane. and I told him off a litle bit  tonight about how sad our friendship makes me because its like she dictates our interactions. Everytime we try to hang out its like, "we'll seee..... the lady isnt going to like that.....it might be difficult because of who you know....etc etc" and i just want him to stand up for himself and his friendships. a relationship is not a prison! and hes been with her for so many years, and no one else that i  think thats all he knows and is too scared to take the chance to realize theres better (less insane) people out there. I dono, im so not a jealous person, so i dont really understand the crazy side of relationships. I demand my freedom, and when boys get too controlling, its done. haha Im far too independent for that behavior.

Alright, its 4 am, time to go work out now. Im beyond stressed, and tired, and worked up, gotta go release some tension.

Intake: 

3/4 cup chicken salad (170)

pringles (150)

1 bite size mini snickers (20)

Goodnight ladies,
I vow to starve til perfection! 
xoxo
_Jane_Doe_ 

 ps. if you want to watch a radtastic hip hop documentary:

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpJqJHOPm6o&feature=related

Someone needs to remove this sign immediately, or else ---->

and we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go

its 3:30 am and im getting ready for a run because i've been doing homework all night (and some slight procrastination, yes). I need to get my work out in. It's been about 2-3 days i believe since my last work out. Maybe longer? Finals have my head spinning.. 

       So I have to be at school at 8 to pick up my photograph, then change my tire, then work, then therapy, then work on this photo piece aaaalllllllllllll night, and then the next morning first thing bring it to the framers. ugh This schedule is death! It's all over in like, 3 weeks though. 

       So, I have to see my therapist tomorrow, and my family this weekend and I've been snacking on anything I can get my hands on during these finals 1) to procrastinate, 2) boredom, 3)stress.   and I definitely have gained, hopefully not much. Too scared to step on the scale. I was doing so well just a week ago too. But i know theyre going to see me and think im totally fine now, eating well, no longer struggling but the thoughts now are just the same, if not worse now because im so unhappy with where im at. Ive been taking 4 diet pills, 3-9 laxatives,& 4 diuretics a day. 

      My friend called the other day, i think shes doing better w her purging n stuff, but she told me shes concerned for her friend because shes been restricting and going to the gym like, 4 times a day, and has been losing weight super rapidly...... bitch. hah im so jealous. I wish i had the time to go to the gym 4 times a day! Anyways, thats sort of a sick motivation for me. To compete with this friend of hers, be thinner, be better, be sicker.. And in like 4 weeks, im going to NYC and will see two of my cousins, (both of whom were in rehab for drugs) and they both know, maybe just one, about my struggles with eating, and if i show up as a huge porker im going to look like a total fool. Telling someone you dont eat and are in therapy for possible anorexia and then i show up, rollie pollie. nah, i gotta make em panic! hah I want to hear those whispers again, friends commenting quietly about how im too thin, my pants are baggy, trying to shove spoonfuls of food down my throat. I miss that!  

BOY:  Im still totally hung up on my friend from norcal, i cant help it, every guy i sort of like is  constantly being compared to him in my head, and no one matches up. it drives me crazy!! believe me, it would be so much easier to not like him. anyways, he's still w that chick who is totally insane. and I told him off a litle bit  tonight about how sad our friendship makes me because its like she dictates our interactions. Everytime we try to hang out its like, "we'll seee..... the lady isnt going to like that.....it might be difficult because of who you know....etc etc" and i just want him to stand up for himself and his friendships. a relationship is not a prison! and hes been with her for so many years, and no one else that i  think thats all he knows and is too scared to take the chance to realize theres better (less insane) people out there. I dono, im so not a jealous person, so i dont really understand the crazy side of relationships. I demand my freedom, and when boys get too controlling, its done. haha Im far too independent for that behavior.

Alright, its 4 am, time to go work out now. Im beyond stressed, and tired, and worked up, gotta go release some tension.

Intake: 

3/4 cup chicken salad (170)

pringles (150)

1 bite size mini snickers (20)

Goodnight ladies,
I vow to starve til perfection! 
xoxo
_Jane_Doe_ 

 ps. if you want to watch a radtastic hip hop documentary:

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpJqJHOPm6o&feature=related

Someone needs to remove this sign immediately, or else ---->

and we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go

its 3:30 am and im getting ready for a run because i've been doing homework all night (and some slight procrastination, yes). I need to get my work out in. It's been about 2-3 days i believe since my last work out. Maybe longer? Finals have my head spinning.. 

       So I have to be at school at 8 to pick up my photograph, then change my tire, then work, then therapy, then work on this photo piece aaaalllllllllllll night, and then the next morning first thing bring it to the framers. ugh This schedule is death! It's all over in like, 3 weeks though. 

       So, I have to see my therapist tomorrow, and my family this weekend and I've been snacking on anything I can get my hands on during these finals 1) to procrastinate, 2) boredom, 3)stress.   and I definitely have gained, hopefully not much. Too scared to step on the scale. I was doing so well just a week ago too. But i know theyre going to see me and think im totally fine now, eating well, no longer struggling but the thoughts now are just the same, if not worse now because im so unhappy with where im at. Ive been taking 4 diet pills, 3-9 laxatives,& 4 diuretics a day. 

      My friend called the other day, i think shes doing better w her purging n stuff, but she told me shes concerned for her friend because shes been restricting and going to the gym like, 4 times a day, and has been losing weight super rapidly...... bitch. hah im so jealous. I wish i had the time to go to the gym 4 times a day! Anyways, thats sort of a sick motivation for me. To compete with this friend of hers, be thinner, be better, be sicker.. And in like 4 weeks, im going to NYC and will see two of my cousins, (both of whom were in rehab for drugs) and they both know, maybe just one, about my struggles with eating, and if i show up as a huge porker im going to look like a total fool. Telling someone you dont eat and are in therapy for possible anorexia and then i show up, rollie pollie. nah, i gotta make em panic! hah I want to hear those whispers again, friends commenting quietly about how im too thin, my pants are baggy, trying to shove spoonfuls of food down my throat. I miss that!  

BOY:  Im still totally hung up on my friend from norcal, i cant help it, every guy i sort of like is  constantly being compared to him in my head, and no one matches up. it drives me crazy!! believe me, it would be so much easier to not like him. anyways, he's still w that chick who is totally insane. and I told him off a litle bit  tonight about how sad our friendship makes me because its like she dictates our interactions. Everytime we try to hang out its like, "we'll seee..... the lady isnt going to like that.....it might be difficult because of who you know....etc etc" and i just want him to stand up for himself and his friendships. a relationship is not a prison! and hes been with her for so many years, and no one else that i  think thats all he knows and is too scared to take the chance to realize theres better (less insane) people out there. I dono, im so not a jealous person, so i dont really understand the crazy side of relationships. I demand my freedom, and when boys get too controlling, its done. haha Im far too independent for that behavior.

Alright, its 4 am, time to go work out now. Im beyond stressed, and tired, and worked up, gotta go release some tension.

Intake: 

3/4 cup chicken salad (170)

pringles (150)

1 bite size mini snickers (20)

Goodnight ladies,
I vow to starve til perfection! 
xoxo
_Jane_Doe_ 

 ps. if you want to watch a radtastic hip hop documentary:

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpJqJHOPm6o&feature=related

Someone needs to remove this sign immediately, or else ---->

Finals during senior year of college  = WAAAAAAYYY TOO MUCH STRESS !! = Eating like a piglet!
yes. Ive been snacking nonstop. pretty healthy. Vegan wrap yesterday, 1 cup chicken salad today... but Im freaking out about writing this essay on Gillian Wearing (conceptual photographer) and getting my work into the framers for the BFA Exhibition in a couple weeks, that Im in a total panic. and have been snacking on mini snickers. I need that chocolate fix... its like my heroin. haha gotta relax somehow.
After tomorrow things will begin to settle down, SLIGHTLY.
Anyways, im just procrastinating more now, so i better get back.
Wish me luck, and not too much of a gain.
Ive spent 10 hours catching up on Biggest Loser and im reading to go work out, but i cant because of all this work!
Miss you all....
xoxo

Finals during senior year of college  = WAAAAAAYYY TOO MUCH STRESS !! = Eating like a piglet!
yes. Ive been snacking nonstop. pretty healthy. Vegan wrap yesterday, 1 cup chicken salad today... but Im freaking out about writing this essay on Gillian Wearing (conceptual photographer) and getting my work into the framers for the BFA Exhibition in a couple weeks, that Im in a total panic. and have been snacking on mini snickers. I need that chocolate fix... its like my heroin. haha gotta relax somehow.
After tomorrow things will begin to settle down, SLIGHTLY.
Anyways, im just procrastinating more now, so i better get back.
Wish me luck, and not too much of a gain.
Ive spent 10 hours catching up on Biggest Loser and im reading to go work out, but i cant because of all this work!
Miss you all....
xoxo

Finals during senior year of college  = WAAAAAAYYY TOO MUCH STRESS !! = Eating like a piglet!
yes. Ive been snacking nonstop. pretty healthy. Vegan wrap yesterday, 1 cup chicken salad today... but Im freaking out about writing this essay on Gillian Wearing (conceptual photographer) and getting my work into the framers for the BFA Exhibition in a couple weeks, that Im in a total panic. and have been snacking on mini snickers. I need that chocolate fix... its like my heroin. haha gotta relax somehow.
After tomorrow things will begin to settle down, SLIGHTLY.
Anyways, im just procrastinating more now, so i better get back.
Wish me luck, and not too much of a gain.
Ive spent 10 hours catching up on Biggest Loser and im reading to go work out, but i cant because of all this work!
Miss you all....
xoxo

cornflake dessert recipe

By request, here is the yummy recipe for the dangerously caloric dessert:

1) put 1 cup peanut butter in a bowl with 1 entire back on butterscotch morsels 
2) put in the microwave for 1 minute, mix it around the 30 second mark. the morsels wont be all the way melted at the end, but if you cook for too long it turns into this mousse whipped sort of texture and it smells awful and its ruined (ive done that twice. and had to throw it all out. so 1 minute to 1.4 minutes seems to be the best time).
3) in a large bowl, measure out 6 cups of Corn Flakes
4) pour the melted pb & butterscotch combo onto the corn flakes, and mix it til its all covered.
5) put into a pan and let it harden in the fridge. and once it hardens (usually about 30 min to an hour) cut it up into squares and enjoy!! :D

im warning you though, THEY ARE HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY ADDICTING

cornflake dessert recipe

By request, here is the yummy recipe for the dangerously caloric dessert:

1) put 1 cup peanut butter in a bowl with 1 entire back on butterscotch morsels 
2) put in the microwave for 1 minute, mix it around the 30 second mark. the morsels wont be all the way melted at the end, but if you cook for too long it turns into this mousse whipped sort of texture and it smells awful and its ruined (ive done that twice. and had to throw it all out. so 1 minute to 1.4 minutes seems to be the best time).
3) in a large bowl, measure out 6 cups of Corn Flakes
4) pour the melted pb & butterscotch combo onto the corn flakes, and mix it til its all covered.
5) put into a pan and let it harden in the fridge. and once it hardens (usually about 30 min to an hour) cut it up into squares and enjoy!! :D

im warning you though, THEY ARE HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY ADDICTING

cornflake dessert recipe

By request, here is the yummy recipe for the dangerously caloric dessert:

1) put 1 cup peanut butter in a bowl with 1 entire back on butterscotch morsels 
2) put in the microwave for 1 minute, mix it around the 30 second mark. the morsels wont be all the way melted at the end, but if you cook for too long it turns into this mousse whipped sort of texture and it smells awful and its ruined (ive done that twice. and had to throw it all out. so 1 minute to 1.4 minutes seems to be the best time).
3) in a large bowl, measure out 6 cups of Corn Flakes
4) pour the melted pb & butterscotch combo onto the corn flakes, and mix it til its all covered.
5) put into a pan and let it harden in the fridge. and once it hardens (usually about 30 min to an hour) cut it up into squares and enjoy!! :D

im warning you though, THEY ARE HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY ADDICTING

THINSPO & TUNES

Intake: 

3 string cheese (150)

1 low fat pudding (80)

1/2 apple (50)

Total: 280

Gym: -542

NET: -262 

GYM RUNNING PLAYLIST:

My playlist i use for running is a combo of hip hop & dubstep. If you guys wanna dl any songs, here is my current list: 

WARM UP:

Skrillex: Hey Sexy Lady

Beatnick Remix of Lil Wayne: Drop the World (dl from YouTube)

Lupe Fiasco: Beautiful Lasers

Murs: Everything

Skrillex: Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites

Jacques Jams: Life in LA

Pigeon John: Weight of the World

Zion I: Coastin'

Tyler, the Creator: Sandwitches 

Lupe Fiasco: Hip Hop Saved my Life

MOTIVATION:

Lupe Fiasco: Go Go Gadget Flow 

Flux Pavilion: Lines in Wax

Flux Pavilion: I can't stop

Rusko: Woo Boost

Flux Pavilion: Got 2 Know

Mickey Avalon: I get even

Wale: Freaks

COOL DOWN:

Tyler, the Creator: Yonkers

Lupe Fiasco: Go to Sleep

B.o.B.: Dont Let me Fall

Radiohead: Codex 

ENJOY & DONT STOP RUNNING! RUN TIL NOTHING SHAKES, JIGGLES OR BOUNCES!  

(I ran for too long & my knees are screwed up, and now im limping! time for the good ol advil and ice treatment! ) 

night. XOXO

THINSPO & TUNES

Intake: 

3 string cheese (150)

1 low fat pudding (80)

1/2 apple (50)

Total: 280

Gym: -542

NET: -262 

GYM RUNNING PLAYLIST:

My playlist i use for running is a combo of hip hop & dubstep. If you guys wanna dl any songs, here is my current list: 

WARM UP:

Skrillex: Hey Sexy Lady

Beatnick Remix of Lil Wayne: Drop the World (dl from YouTube)

Lupe Fiasco: Beautiful Lasers

Murs: Everything

Skrillex: Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites

Jacques Jams: Life in LA

Pigeon John: Weight of the World

Zion I: Coastin'

Tyler, the Creator: Sandwitches 

Lupe Fiasco: Hip Hop Saved my Life

MOTIVATION:

Lupe Fiasco: Go Go Gadget Flow 

Flux Pavilion: Lines in Wax

Flux Pavilion: I can't stop

Rusko: Woo Boost

Flux Pavilion: Got 2 Know

Mickey Avalon: I get even

Wale: Freaks

COOL DOWN:

Tyler, the Creator: Yonkers

Lupe Fiasco: Go to Sleep

B.o.B.: Dont Let me Fall

Radiohead: Codex 

ENJOY & DONT STOP RUNNING! RUN TIL NOTHING SHAKES, JIGGLES OR BOUNCES!  

(I ran for too long & my knees are screwed up, and now im limping! time for the good ol advil and ice treatment! ) 

night. XOXO

THINSPO & TUNES

Intake: 

3 string cheese (150)

1 low fat pudding (80)

1/2 apple (50)

Total: 280

Gym: -542

NET: -262 

GYM RUNNING PLAYLIST:

My playlist i use for running is a combo of hip hop & dubstep. If you guys wanna dl any songs, here is my current list: 

WARM UP:

Skrillex: Hey Sexy Lady

Beatnick Remix of Lil Wayne: Drop the World (dl from YouTube)

Lupe Fiasco: Beautiful Lasers

Murs: Everything

Skrillex: Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites

Jacques Jams: Life in LA

Pigeon John: Weight of the World

Zion I: Coastin'

Tyler, the Creator: Sandwitches 

Lupe Fiasco: Hip Hop Saved my Life

MOTIVATION:

Lupe Fiasco: Go Go Gadget Flow 

Flux Pavilion: Lines in Wax

Flux Pavilion: I can't stop

Rusko: Woo Boost

Flux Pavilion: Got 2 Know

Mickey Avalon: I get even

Wale: Freaks

COOL DOWN:

Tyler, the Creator: Yonkers

Lupe Fiasco: Go to Sleep

B.o.B.: Dont Let me Fall

Radiohead: Codex 

ENJOY & DONT STOP RUNNING! RUN TIL NOTHING SHAKES, JIGGLES OR BOUNCES!  

(I ran for too long & my knees are screwed up, and now im limping! time for the good ol advil and ice treatment! ) 

night. XOXO