is it wrong to use anger towards someone and starve myself to punish them? I dont think so at least.
The boy who has been talking to me the last few months, who think i am absolutely perfect for him and wants to be with me so badly to the point that he is actually afraid to come visit me now, which then turns him into a coward, and so he went running back to his semi current/ sort of ex gf.... doesnt make any sense to me! We have been so honest, telling each other every little and massive secret we have, from personal, to silly, to sexual. we both like each other, and blah blah blah, but now he is too nervous around me and has become scared. thank you text generation ! ugh. So after days of non stop communication, he had to go to sf to visit his ex/gf and then comes back, we continue talking immediately. i go on fb and see..... In a relationship with ___.... WTF?!?! Literally, pain in my chest. And i talked to him today, asked him when that happened and if he was thrilled (trying to act all casual and supportive) and his response was, "i dunno" & "partly thrilled" "very partly".... aaaaalright. so i told him how i didnt understand, it seemed forced and insincere and i should stop trying to make sense of it bc ill never get it......
he hasnt responded. But he knows about a lot of personal shit now, including my bad eating habits... he thinks im way too skinny already and trys to get me to eat.
So, i want to use this anger and motivation to become ultra tiny itty bitty... and blame his ball-less cowardly actions... Seems like a sick revenge, but in my head it would be perfect.
bitter much? maybe.... hah
I just cant believe he would settle for mediocrity when his "perfection" is here and waiting... It makes me so angry.
First response, went to the store and bought some cookies... munched on those for awhile, but now ive gotten over my emotional eating and ready for my anger fast !!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
is it wrong to use anger towards someone and starve myself to punish them? I dont think so at least.
The boy who has been talking to me the last few months, who think i am absolutely perfect for him and wants to be with me so badly to the point that he is actually afraid to come visit me now, which then turns him into a coward, and so he went running back to his semi current/ sort of ex gf.... doesnt make any sense to me! We have been so honest, telling each other every little and massive secret we have, from personal, to silly, to sexual. we both like each other, and blah blah blah, but now he is too nervous around me and has become scared. thank you text generation ! ugh. So after days of non stop communication, he had to go to sf to visit his ex/gf and then comes back, we continue talking immediately. i go on fb and see..... In a relationship with ___.... WTF?!?! Literally, pain in my chest. And i talked to him today, asked him when that happened and if he was thrilled (trying to act all casual and supportive) and his response was, "i dunno" & "partly thrilled" "very partly".... aaaaalright. so i told him how i didnt understand, it seemed forced and insincere and i should stop trying to make sense of it bc ill never get it......
he hasnt responded. But he knows about a lot of personal shit now, including my bad eating habits... he thinks im way too skinny already and trys to get me to eat.
So, i want to use this anger and motivation to become ultra tiny itty bitty... and blame his ball-less cowardly actions... Seems like a sick revenge, but in my head it would be perfect.
bitter much? maybe.... hah
I just cant believe he would settle for mediocrity when his "perfection" is here and waiting... It makes me so angry.
First response, went to the store and bought some cookies... munched on those for awhile, but now ive gotten over my emotional eating and ready for my anger fast !!
The boy who has been talking to me the last few months, who think i am absolutely perfect for him and wants to be with me so badly to the point that he is actually afraid to come visit me now, which then turns him into a coward, and so he went running back to his semi current/ sort of ex gf.... doesnt make any sense to me! We have been so honest, telling each other every little and massive secret we have, from personal, to silly, to sexual. we both like each other, and blah blah blah, but now he is too nervous around me and has become scared. thank you text generation ! ugh. So after days of non stop communication, he had to go to sf to visit his ex/gf and then comes back, we continue talking immediately. i go on fb and see..... In a relationship with ___.... WTF?!?! Literally, pain in my chest. And i talked to him today, asked him when that happened and if he was thrilled (trying to act all casual and supportive) and his response was, "i dunno" & "partly thrilled" "very partly".... aaaaalright. so i told him how i didnt understand, it seemed forced and insincere and i should stop trying to make sense of it bc ill never get it......
he hasnt responded. But he knows about a lot of personal shit now, including my bad eating habits... he thinks im way too skinny already and trys to get me to eat.
So, i want to use this anger and motivation to become ultra tiny itty bitty... and blame his ball-less cowardly actions... Seems like a sick revenge, but in my head it would be perfect.
bitter much? maybe.... hah
I just cant believe he would settle for mediocrity when his "perfection" is here and waiting... It makes me so angry.
First response, went to the store and bought some cookies... munched on those for awhile, but now ive gotten over my emotional eating and ready for my anger fast !!
is it wrong to use anger towards someone and starve myself to punish them? I dont think so at least.
The boy who has been talking to me the last few months, who think i am absolutely perfect for him and wants to be with me so badly to the point that he is actually afraid to come visit me now, which then turns him into a coward, and so he went running back to his semi current/ sort of ex gf.... doesnt make any sense to me! We have been so honest, telling each other every little and massive secret we have, from personal, to silly, to sexual. we both like each other, and blah blah blah, but now he is too nervous around me and has become scared. thank you text generation ! ugh. So after days of non stop communication, he had to go to sf to visit his ex/gf and then comes back, we continue talking immediately. i go on fb and see..... In a relationship with ___.... WTF?!?! Literally, pain in my chest. And i talked to him today, asked him when that happened and if he was thrilled (trying to act all casual and supportive) and his response was, "i dunno" & "partly thrilled" "very partly".... aaaaalright. so i told him how i didnt understand, it seemed forced and insincere and i should stop trying to make sense of it bc ill never get it......
he hasnt responded. But he knows about a lot of personal shit now, including my bad eating habits... he thinks im way too skinny already and trys to get me to eat.
So, i want to use this anger and motivation to become ultra tiny itty bitty... and blame his ball-less cowardly actions... Seems like a sick revenge, but in my head it would be perfect.
bitter much? maybe.... hah
I just cant believe he would settle for mediocrity when his "perfection" is here and waiting... It makes me so angry.
First response, went to the store and bought some cookies... munched on those for awhile, but now ive gotten over my emotional eating and ready for my anger fast !!
The boy who has been talking to me the last few months, who think i am absolutely perfect for him and wants to be with me so badly to the point that he is actually afraid to come visit me now, which then turns him into a coward, and so he went running back to his semi current/ sort of ex gf.... doesnt make any sense to me! We have been so honest, telling each other every little and massive secret we have, from personal, to silly, to sexual. we both like each other, and blah blah blah, but now he is too nervous around me and has become scared. thank you text generation ! ugh. So after days of non stop communication, he had to go to sf to visit his ex/gf and then comes back, we continue talking immediately. i go on fb and see..... In a relationship with ___.... WTF?!?! Literally, pain in my chest. And i talked to him today, asked him when that happened and if he was thrilled (trying to act all casual and supportive) and his response was, "i dunno" & "partly thrilled" "very partly".... aaaaalright. so i told him how i didnt understand, it seemed forced and insincere and i should stop trying to make sense of it bc ill never get it......
he hasnt responded. But he knows about a lot of personal shit now, including my bad eating habits... he thinks im way too skinny already and trys to get me to eat.
So, i want to use this anger and motivation to become ultra tiny itty bitty... and blame his ball-less cowardly actions... Seems like a sick revenge, but in my head it would be perfect.
bitter much? maybe.... hah
I just cant believe he would settle for mediocrity when his "perfection" is here and waiting... It makes me so angry.
First response, went to the store and bought some cookies... munched on those for awhile, but now ive gotten over my emotional eating and ready for my anger fast !!
Friday, February 25, 2011
Emma, from Burn the Memories, Starve the Thoughts asked this question,
If there was one thing you could tell people without eating disorders about eating disorders to help them better understand what it's like living with an ED or to help clear up common misunderstandings about eating disorders, what would it be?
I thought it was an important question so ill just post my answer here as well:
one thing that i noticed is that when mine started, i sort of had this vision, of being super thin, and happy and hanging out with friends and you know, sort of the same fun routine as before, but just, better... but as i was getting more and more into it, i was feeling more and more isolated. There has never been a time where i felt more alone. Everything seemed to be falling apart, i always described that feeling like, theres a sculpture or globe or something, and its cracking, slowly breaking down and its about to come crashing down, and im running around it frantically trying to tape and glue and keep it in tact, but its exhausting and sooner or later its going to come crashing down.... I was trying to salvage any life i had prior, but i was lonely, and numb, and even when i was with friends i had nothing to say anymore. They would get angry at me for not eating and i could overhear them (and lots of strangers) talking shit about me. All my friends wanted to go out to lunch or dinner, and wouldn't invite me along anymore because i wasn't eating. I built up this glamorous expectation, and there were exciting moments, but when the highlight of your week is just stepping on a scale to see a number go down, isnt that pathetic (pathetic to the 'normal' person.... because that still makes me happy)... anyways, that one thing that really stood out to me.
If there was one thing you could tell people without eating disorders about eating disorders to help them better understand what it's like living with an ED or to help clear up common misunderstandings about eating disorders, what would it be?
I thought it was an important question so ill just post my answer here as well:
one thing that i noticed is that when mine started, i sort of had this vision, of being super thin, and happy and hanging out with friends and you know, sort of the same fun routine as before, but just, better... but as i was getting more and more into it, i was feeling more and more isolated. There has never been a time where i felt more alone. Everything seemed to be falling apart, i always described that feeling like, theres a sculpture or globe or something, and its cracking, slowly breaking down and its about to come crashing down, and im running around it frantically trying to tape and glue and keep it in tact, but its exhausting and sooner or later its going to come crashing down.... I was trying to salvage any life i had prior, but i was lonely, and numb, and even when i was with friends i had nothing to say anymore. They would get angry at me for not eating and i could overhear them (and lots of strangers) talking shit about me. All my friends wanted to go out to lunch or dinner, and wouldn't invite me along anymore because i wasn't eating. I built up this glamorous expectation, and there were exciting moments, but when the highlight of your week is just stepping on a scale to see a number go down, isnt that pathetic (pathetic to the 'normal' person.... because that still makes me happy)... anyways, that one thing that really stood out to me.
Emma, from Burn the Memories, Starve the Thoughts asked this question,
If there was one thing you could tell people without eating disorders about eating disorders to help them better understand what it's like living with an ED or to help clear up common misunderstandings about eating disorders, what would it be?
I thought it was an important question so ill just post my answer here as well:
one thing that i noticed is that when mine started, i sort of had this vision, of being super thin, and happy and hanging out with friends and you know, sort of the same fun routine as before, but just, better... but as i was getting more and more into it, i was feeling more and more isolated. There has never been a time where i felt more alone. Everything seemed to be falling apart, i always described that feeling like, theres a sculpture or globe or something, and its cracking, slowly breaking down and its about to come crashing down, and im running around it frantically trying to tape and glue and keep it in tact, but its exhausting and sooner or later its going to come crashing down.... I was trying to salvage any life i had prior, but i was lonely, and numb, and even when i was with friends i had nothing to say anymore. They would get angry at me for not eating and i could overhear them (and lots of strangers) talking shit about me. All my friends wanted to go out to lunch or dinner, and wouldn't invite me along anymore because i wasn't eating. I built up this glamorous expectation, and there were exciting moments, but when the highlight of your week is just stepping on a scale to see a number go down, isnt that pathetic (pathetic to the 'normal' person.... because that still makes me happy)... anyways, that one thing that really stood out to me.
If there was one thing you could tell people without eating disorders about eating disorders to help them better understand what it's like living with an ED or to help clear up common misunderstandings about eating disorders, what would it be?
I thought it was an important question so ill just post my answer here as well:
one thing that i noticed is that when mine started, i sort of had this vision, of being super thin, and happy and hanging out with friends and you know, sort of the same fun routine as before, but just, better... but as i was getting more and more into it, i was feeling more and more isolated. There has never been a time where i felt more alone. Everything seemed to be falling apart, i always described that feeling like, theres a sculpture or globe or something, and its cracking, slowly breaking down and its about to come crashing down, and im running around it frantically trying to tape and glue and keep it in tact, but its exhausting and sooner or later its going to come crashing down.... I was trying to salvage any life i had prior, but i was lonely, and numb, and even when i was with friends i had nothing to say anymore. They would get angry at me for not eating and i could overhear them (and lots of strangers) talking shit about me. All my friends wanted to go out to lunch or dinner, and wouldn't invite me along anymore because i wasn't eating. I built up this glamorous expectation, and there were exciting moments, but when the highlight of your week is just stepping on a scale to see a number go down, isnt that pathetic (pathetic to the 'normal' person.... because that still makes me happy)... anyways, that one thing that really stood out to me.
Emma, from Burn the Memories, Starve the Thoughts asked this question,
If there was one thing you could tell people without eating disorders about eating disorders to help them better understand what it's like living with an ED or to help clear up common misunderstandings about eating disorders, what would it be?
I thought it was an important question so ill just post my answer here as well:
one thing that i noticed is that when mine started, i sort of had this vision, of being super thin, and happy and hanging out with friends and you know, sort of the same fun routine as before, but just, better... but as i was getting more and more into it, i was feeling more and more isolated. There has never been a time where i felt more alone. Everything seemed to be falling apart, i always described that feeling like, theres a sculpture or globe or something, and its cracking, slowly breaking down and its about to come crashing down, and im running around it frantically trying to tape and glue and keep it in tact, but its exhausting and sooner or later its going to come crashing down.... I was trying to salvage any life i had prior, but i was lonely, and numb, and even when i was with friends i had nothing to say anymore. They would get angry at me for not eating and i could overhear them (and lots of strangers) talking shit about me. All my friends wanted to go out to lunch or dinner, and wouldn't invite me along anymore because i wasn't eating. I built up this glamorous expectation, and there were exciting moments, but when the highlight of your week is just stepping on a scale to see a number go down, isnt that pathetic (pathetic to the 'normal' person.... because that still makes me happy)... anyways, that one thing that really stood out to me.
If there was one thing you could tell people without eating disorders about eating disorders to help them better understand what it's like living with an ED or to help clear up common misunderstandings about eating disorders, what would it be?
I thought it was an important question so ill just post my answer here as well:
one thing that i noticed is that when mine started, i sort of had this vision, of being super thin, and happy and hanging out with friends and you know, sort of the same fun routine as before, but just, better... but as i was getting more and more into it, i was feeling more and more isolated. There has never been a time where i felt more alone. Everything seemed to be falling apart, i always described that feeling like, theres a sculpture or globe or something, and its cracking, slowly breaking down and its about to come crashing down, and im running around it frantically trying to tape and glue and keep it in tact, but its exhausting and sooner or later its going to come crashing down.... I was trying to salvage any life i had prior, but i was lonely, and numb, and even when i was with friends i had nothing to say anymore. They would get angry at me for not eating and i could overhear them (and lots of strangers) talking shit about me. All my friends wanted to go out to lunch or dinner, and wouldn't invite me along anymore because i wasn't eating. I built up this glamorous expectation, and there were exciting moments, but when the highlight of your week is just stepping on a scale to see a number go down, isnt that pathetic (pathetic to the 'normal' person.... because that still makes me happy)... anyways, that one thing that really stood out to me.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Intake:
1 orange (60 cal)
1/2 lemonade (100 cal)
&
6 diet pills.
looks like im getting back on track... the combination of my friend visiting and a new boy interest getting more intense, i cant allow myself to screw up and eat. I have a goal, and i only get one body- why live always settling with your own body? no, I will be proud of myself and not live any longer in a state of hiding or embarrassment or anger. And i will not shove food down my gullet til im happy.
1 orange (60 cal)
1/2 lemonade (100 cal)
&
6 diet pills.
looks like im getting back on track... the combination of my friend visiting and a new boy interest getting more intense, i cant allow myself to screw up and eat. I have a goal, and i only get one body- why live always settling with your own body? no, I will be proud of myself and not live any longer in a state of hiding or embarrassment or anger. And i will not shove food down my gullet til im happy.
Intake:
1 orange (60 cal)
1/2 lemonade (100 cal)
&
6 diet pills.
looks like im getting back on track... the combination of my friend visiting and a new boy interest getting more intense, i cant allow myself to screw up and eat. I have a goal, and i only get one body- why live always settling with your own body? no, I will be proud of myself and not live any longer in a state of hiding or embarrassment or anger. And i will not shove food down my gullet til im happy.
1 orange (60 cal)
1/2 lemonade (100 cal)
&
6 diet pills.
looks like im getting back on track... the combination of my friend visiting and a new boy interest getting more intense, i cant allow myself to screw up and eat. I have a goal, and i only get one body- why live always settling with your own body? no, I will be proud of myself and not live any longer in a state of hiding or embarrassment or anger. And i will not shove food down my gullet til im happy.
Intake:
1 orange (60 cal)
1/2 lemonade (100 cal)
&
6 diet pills.
looks like im getting back on track... the combination of my friend visiting and a new boy interest getting more intense, i cant allow myself to screw up and eat. I have a goal, and i only get one body- why live always settling with your own body? no, I will be proud of myself and not live any longer in a state of hiding or embarrassment or anger. And i will not shove food down my gullet til im happy.
1 orange (60 cal)
1/2 lemonade (100 cal)
&
6 diet pills.
looks like im getting back on track... the combination of my friend visiting and a new boy interest getting more intense, i cant allow myself to screw up and eat. I have a goal, and i only get one body- why live always settling with your own body? no, I will be proud of myself and not live any longer in a state of hiding or embarrassment or anger. And i will not shove food down my gullet til im happy.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Sick friends
My friend came to visit me this last weekend... And it was so much fun having her around, really got me back on track too i think. Last time we talked she was trying to recover and stop purging. But while she was here we talked a bit, and she explained how she got really really thin during winter and she had to gain weight (through threats from her dad) and now she's freaking out, and so we started chatting about what ive been going through and what shes been going through, and while taking nibbles of our friends birthday cake, shared jokes about having to go purge immediately, and fast for 5 days, and load up on laxatives n stuff.. it was so nice to have someone to share those messed up jokes with though! But shes taking these laxatives that she said are working really really well, and they dont make you feel sick or anything, and so i ordered some today! im gonna try them out and get back to you, but you can check em from the site, or from amazon- look here.
Anyways, I also bought several supa sexy items from victoria's secret to help motivate me as well! I am desperate to get back down to the weight i was at, F being "healthy" ! it only makes us FAT!
So today ive had my 2 water pills, 3 diet pills, & lax tea. (and thatll repeat this evening too). im sick right now, really bad cold. so im going to take a nap before my next class (today my school day goes from 8am to 10 pm without a break!) but i left my studio class to work at home and so im going to nap here, then go to class, and then work out after if i have even the slightest amount of energy. I also got some new good work out / weight loss app's for my phone that will hopefully also help a bit. I wish they just had an ED or ANA app. how amazing would that be? haha prolly would be in the most popular section !
I hope you are all well! Ive been reading all your blogs, but just have been totally behind on posting comments.
Anyways, I also bought several supa sexy items from victoria's secret to help motivate me as well! I am desperate to get back down to the weight i was at, F being "healthy" ! it only makes us FAT!
So today ive had my 2 water pills, 3 diet pills, & lax tea. (and thatll repeat this evening too). im sick right now, really bad cold. so im going to take a nap before my next class (today my school day goes from 8am to 10 pm without a break!) but i left my studio class to work at home and so im going to nap here, then go to class, and then work out after if i have even the slightest amount of energy. I also got some new good work out / weight loss app's for my phone that will hopefully also help a bit. I wish they just had an ED or ANA app. how amazing would that be? haha prolly would be in the most popular section !
I hope you are all well! Ive been reading all your blogs, but just have been totally behind on posting comments.
Sick friends
My friend came to visit me this last weekend... And it was so much fun having her around, really got me back on track too i think. Last time we talked she was trying to recover and stop purging. But while she was here we talked a bit, and she explained how she got really really thin during winter and she had to gain weight (through threats from her dad) and now she's freaking out, and so we started chatting about what ive been going through and what shes been going through, and while taking nibbles of our friends birthday cake, shared jokes about having to go purge immediately, and fast for 5 days, and load up on laxatives n stuff.. it was so nice to have someone to share those messed up jokes with though! But shes taking these laxatives that she said are working really really well, and they dont make you feel sick or anything, and so i ordered some today! im gonna try them out and get back to you, but you can check em from the site, or from amazon- look here.
Anyways, I also bought several supa sexy items from victoria's secret to help motivate me as well! I am desperate to get back down to the weight i was at, F being "healthy" ! it only makes us FAT!
So today ive had my 2 water pills, 3 diet pills, & lax tea. (and thatll repeat this evening too). im sick right now, really bad cold. so im going to take a nap before my next class (today my school day goes from 8am to 10 pm without a break!) but i left my studio class to work at home and so im going to nap here, then go to class, and then work out after if i have even the slightest amount of energy. I also got some new good work out / weight loss app's for my phone that will hopefully also help a bit. I wish they just had an ED or ANA app. how amazing would that be? haha prolly would be in the most popular section !
I hope you are all well! Ive been reading all your blogs, but just have been totally behind on posting comments.
Anyways, I also bought several supa sexy items from victoria's secret to help motivate me as well! I am desperate to get back down to the weight i was at, F being "healthy" ! it only makes us FAT!
So today ive had my 2 water pills, 3 diet pills, & lax tea. (and thatll repeat this evening too). im sick right now, really bad cold. so im going to take a nap before my next class (today my school day goes from 8am to 10 pm without a break!) but i left my studio class to work at home and so im going to nap here, then go to class, and then work out after if i have even the slightest amount of energy. I also got some new good work out / weight loss app's for my phone that will hopefully also help a bit. I wish they just had an ED or ANA app. how amazing would that be? haha prolly would be in the most popular section !
I hope you are all well! Ive been reading all your blogs, but just have been totally behind on posting comments.
Sick friends
My friend came to visit me this last weekend... And it was so much fun having her around, really got me back on track too i think. Last time we talked she was trying to recover and stop purging. But while she was here we talked a bit, and she explained how she got really really thin during winter and she had to gain weight (through threats from her dad) and now she's freaking out, and so we started chatting about what ive been going through and what shes been going through, and while taking nibbles of our friends birthday cake, shared jokes about having to go purge immediately, and fast for 5 days, and load up on laxatives n stuff.. it was so nice to have someone to share those messed up jokes with though! But shes taking these laxatives that she said are working really really well, and they dont make you feel sick or anything, and so i ordered some today! im gonna try them out and get back to you, but you can check em from the site, or from amazon- look here.
Anyways, I also bought several supa sexy items from victoria's secret to help motivate me as well! I am desperate to get back down to the weight i was at, F being "healthy" ! it only makes us FAT!
So today ive had my 2 water pills, 3 diet pills, & lax tea. (and thatll repeat this evening too). im sick right now, really bad cold. so im going to take a nap before my next class (today my school day goes from 8am to 10 pm without a break!) but i left my studio class to work at home and so im going to nap here, then go to class, and then work out after if i have even the slightest amount of energy. I also got some new good work out / weight loss app's for my phone that will hopefully also help a bit. I wish they just had an ED or ANA app. how amazing would that be? haha prolly would be in the most popular section !
I hope you are all well! Ive been reading all your blogs, but just have been totally behind on posting comments.
Anyways, I also bought several supa sexy items from victoria's secret to help motivate me as well! I am desperate to get back down to the weight i was at, F being "healthy" ! it only makes us FAT!
So today ive had my 2 water pills, 3 diet pills, & lax tea. (and thatll repeat this evening too). im sick right now, really bad cold. so im going to take a nap before my next class (today my school day goes from 8am to 10 pm without a break!) but i left my studio class to work at home and so im going to nap here, then go to class, and then work out after if i have even the slightest amount of energy. I also got some new good work out / weight loss app's for my phone that will hopefully also help a bit. I wish they just had an ED or ANA app. how amazing would that be? haha prolly would be in the most popular section !
I hope you are all well! Ive been reading all your blogs, but just have been totally behind on posting comments.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
intake:
until around 10 pm , i only had 2 pieces of shredded wheat cereal.... but then my friends came into town so i had a vegan hummus wrap. (My friend who came is the one other friend i know who is going through an ed, but shes on the attempting recovery side... but still eats almost nothing and since she was eating, i allowed myself to eat a lil in front of her too... i only ate half though! )
Tomorrow first thing i have a pilates work out, and riding my horse. and lots of walking (farmers market. yay for fruit and veggies). and then gallery openings, and friends birthday (im getting a huge fatty chocolate cake for her, but lets pray i can have some self control!!!)
also some good moves forward on the boy front, but ill save that for another day when i have more finger energy bc it will require mass amounts of typing. its prolly not even wroth posting and talking about, but im excited so why not. lol
anyways, im going to try to sleep. its 4 am, and i havent been going to bed before like 6 am every night, but im trying to slowly change it back to normal hours
night night ladies.
until around 10 pm , i only had 2 pieces of shredded wheat cereal.... but then my friends came into town so i had a vegan hummus wrap. (My friend who came is the one other friend i know who is going through an ed, but shes on the attempting recovery side... but still eats almost nothing and since she was eating, i allowed myself to eat a lil in front of her too... i only ate half though! )
Tomorrow first thing i have a pilates work out, and riding my horse. and lots of walking (farmers market. yay for fruit and veggies). and then gallery openings, and friends birthday (im getting a huge fatty chocolate cake for her, but lets pray i can have some self control!!!)
also some good moves forward on the boy front, but ill save that for another day when i have more finger energy bc it will require mass amounts of typing. its prolly not even wroth posting and talking about, but im excited so why not. lol
anyways, im going to try to sleep. its 4 am, and i havent been going to bed before like 6 am every night, but im trying to slowly change it back to normal hours
night night ladies.
intake:
until around 10 pm , i only had 2 pieces of shredded wheat cereal.... but then my friends came into town so i had a vegan hummus wrap. (My friend who came is the one other friend i know who is going through an ed, but shes on the attempting recovery side... but still eats almost nothing and since she was eating, i allowed myself to eat a lil in front of her too... i only ate half though! )
Tomorrow first thing i have a pilates work out, and riding my horse. and lots of walking (farmers market. yay for fruit and veggies). and then gallery openings, and friends birthday (im getting a huge fatty chocolate cake for her, but lets pray i can have some self control!!!)
also some good moves forward on the boy front, but ill save that for another day when i have more finger energy bc it will require mass amounts of typing. its prolly not even wroth posting and talking about, but im excited so why not. lol
anyways, im going to try to sleep. its 4 am, and i havent been going to bed before like 6 am every night, but im trying to slowly change it back to normal hours
night night ladies.
until around 10 pm , i only had 2 pieces of shredded wheat cereal.... but then my friends came into town so i had a vegan hummus wrap. (My friend who came is the one other friend i know who is going through an ed, but shes on the attempting recovery side... but still eats almost nothing and since she was eating, i allowed myself to eat a lil in front of her too... i only ate half though! )
Tomorrow first thing i have a pilates work out, and riding my horse. and lots of walking (farmers market. yay for fruit and veggies). and then gallery openings, and friends birthday (im getting a huge fatty chocolate cake for her, but lets pray i can have some self control!!!)
also some good moves forward on the boy front, but ill save that for another day when i have more finger energy bc it will require mass amounts of typing. its prolly not even wroth posting and talking about, but im excited so why not. lol
anyways, im going to try to sleep. its 4 am, and i havent been going to bed before like 6 am every night, but im trying to slowly change it back to normal hours
night night ladies.
intake:
until around 10 pm , i only had 2 pieces of shredded wheat cereal.... but then my friends came into town so i had a vegan hummus wrap. (My friend who came is the one other friend i know who is going through an ed, but shes on the attempting recovery side... but still eats almost nothing and since she was eating, i allowed myself to eat a lil in front of her too... i only ate half though! )
Tomorrow first thing i have a pilates work out, and riding my horse. and lots of walking (farmers market. yay for fruit and veggies). and then gallery openings, and friends birthday (im getting a huge fatty chocolate cake for her, but lets pray i can have some self control!!!)
also some good moves forward on the boy front, but ill save that for another day when i have more finger energy bc it will require mass amounts of typing. its prolly not even wroth posting and talking about, but im excited so why not. lol
anyways, im going to try to sleep. its 4 am, and i havent been going to bed before like 6 am every night, but im trying to slowly change it back to normal hours
night night ladies.
until around 10 pm , i only had 2 pieces of shredded wheat cereal.... but then my friends came into town so i had a vegan hummus wrap. (My friend who came is the one other friend i know who is going through an ed, but shes on the attempting recovery side... but still eats almost nothing and since she was eating, i allowed myself to eat a lil in front of her too... i only ate half though! )
Tomorrow first thing i have a pilates work out, and riding my horse. and lots of walking (farmers market. yay for fruit and veggies). and then gallery openings, and friends birthday (im getting a huge fatty chocolate cake for her, but lets pray i can have some self control!!!)
also some good moves forward on the boy front, but ill save that for another day when i have more finger energy bc it will require mass amounts of typing. its prolly not even wroth posting and talking about, but im excited so why not. lol
anyways, im going to try to sleep. its 4 am, and i havent been going to bed before like 6 am every night, but im trying to slowly change it back to normal hours
night night ladies.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
my diet pills arent seeming to work very well.... Ive tried am/pm , jillian michaels, and just started slimquick.... each with diuretics.
I tried hydroxicut once and had to go to urgent care. lol so no more of that!
what do you guys take that youve found works? I need something quick, or im gonna go crazy. id take coke if it wasnt addicting. haha (I dont even like drinking..n im 22, so i doubt id go that route). But, I need new diet pills or sometime! Soooo, tell me about what you guys take please. :)
I tried hydroxicut once and had to go to urgent care. lol so no more of that!
what do you guys take that youve found works? I need something quick, or im gonna go crazy. id take coke if it wasnt addicting. haha (I dont even like drinking..n im 22, so i doubt id go that route). But, I need new diet pills or sometime! Soooo, tell me about what you guys take please. :)
my diet pills arent seeming to work very well.... Ive tried am/pm , jillian michaels, and just started slimquick.... each with diuretics.
I tried hydroxicut once and had to go to urgent care. lol so no more of that!
what do you guys take that youve found works? I need something quick, or im gonna go crazy. id take coke if it wasnt addicting. haha (I dont even like drinking..n im 22, so i doubt id go that route). But, I need new diet pills or sometime! Soooo, tell me about what you guys take please. :)
I tried hydroxicut once and had to go to urgent care. lol so no more of that!
what do you guys take that youve found works? I need something quick, or im gonna go crazy. id take coke if it wasnt addicting. haha (I dont even like drinking..n im 22, so i doubt id go that route). But, I need new diet pills or sometime! Soooo, tell me about what you guys take please. :)
my diet pills arent seeming to work very well.... Ive tried am/pm , jillian michaels, and just started slimquick.... each with diuretics.
I tried hydroxicut once and had to go to urgent care. lol so no more of that!
what do you guys take that youve found works? I need something quick, or im gonna go crazy. id take coke if it wasnt addicting. haha (I dont even like drinking..n im 22, so i doubt id go that route). But, I need new diet pills or sometime! Soooo, tell me about what you guys take please. :)
I tried hydroxicut once and had to go to urgent care. lol so no more of that!
what do you guys take that youve found works? I need something quick, or im gonna go crazy. id take coke if it wasnt addicting. haha (I dont even like drinking..n im 22, so i doubt id go that route). But, I need new diet pills or sometime! Soooo, tell me about what you guys take please. :)
Thursday, February 10, 2011
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