Intake:
1/2 cup fruit w/ 2 tbs nonfat vanilla yogurt (60)
3 bites of deli turkey (50)
1 chocolate chip cookie (60)


Burned:
Gym treadmill at 12 incline (-270)
riding my bike (-108)


NET TOTAL: -208


another day of a calorie deficit. yay! 


Ive been drinking this detox drink. a two day detox juice (which i have been taking 1-2 times over the last few days instead of 4x in 2 days... oh well!) of Acai, Papaya, Cranberry, Noni, Pomegranate, Pineapple, Coconut & Aloe Vera! But It has a bit overwhelming taste of pineapple or papaya or something, which I love tropical stuff, but nooooot that much! So im trying to mix it with lemonade instead of water this time. I have a spoon of peanut butter to cover the taste before i let go of my nostrils. haha the child approach to gagging down poor flavors. 
I dont know if its my deficit, or the drink, but ive been losing a pound a day. It's probably both. Either way, im happy. and so Im not going to change anything up til it stops working. 
Just tried the drink, without plugging my nose, and it tastes 100x better with lemonade! mmmm not so bad anymore! :) 
I dont really have much to say.
Today I went shopping for shorts and cute tops. Success. 
Although trying on clothes and nothing but mirrors and an array of people of many sizes, theres nothing that suppresses my hunger more than that. 
Trying on shorts made me realize I have quite a long way to go. for realzies. 
I love getting new clothes though, I cleaned my closet & got it back in order (its always been by color!) and ready to swag it out! ha 
Im gonna finish this juice, shower, and watch the True Life: I have an Eating Disorder videos. 
Stay lovely and thin.
xoxo 

This image is from Supersize vs Superskinny..... Her sausage fingers cant even pinch flesh on that girls tummy. Though the girl could drown in her wrinkled flesh. bleh. 

Intake:
1/2 cup fruit w/ 2 tbs nonfat vanilla yogurt (60)
3 bites of deli turkey (50)
1 chocolate chip cookie (60)


Burned:
Gym treadmill at 12 incline (-270)
riding my bike (-108)


NET TOTAL: -208


another day of a calorie deficit. yay! 


Ive been drinking this detox drink. a two day detox juice (which i have been taking 1-2 times over the last few days instead of 4x in 2 days... oh well!) of Acai, Papaya, Cranberry, Noni, Pomegranate, Pineapple, Coconut & Aloe Vera! But It has a bit overwhelming taste of pineapple or papaya or something, which I love tropical stuff, but nooooot that much! So im trying to mix it with lemonade instead of water this time. I have a spoon of peanut butter to cover the taste before i let go of my nostrils. haha the child approach to gagging down poor flavors. 
I dont know if its my deficit, or the drink, but ive been losing a pound a day. It's probably both. Either way, im happy. and so Im not going to change anything up til it stops working. 
Just tried the drink, without plugging my nose, and it tastes 100x better with lemonade! mmmm not so bad anymore! :) 
I dont really have much to say.
Today I went shopping for shorts and cute tops. Success. 
Although trying on clothes and nothing but mirrors and an array of people of many sizes, theres nothing that suppresses my hunger more than that. 
Trying on shorts made me realize I have quite a long way to go. for realzies. 
I love getting new clothes though, I cleaned my closet & got it back in order (its always been by color!) and ready to swag it out! ha 
Im gonna finish this juice, shower, and watch the True Life: I have an Eating Disorder videos. 
Stay lovely and thin.
xoxo 

This image is from Supersize vs Superskinny..... Her sausage fingers cant even pinch flesh on that girls tummy. Though the girl could drown in her wrinkled flesh. bleh. 

Intake:
1/2 cup fruit w/ 2 tbs nonfat vanilla yogurt (60)
3 bites of deli turkey (50)
1 chocolate chip cookie (60)


Burned:
Gym treadmill at 12 incline (-270)
riding my bike (-108)


NET TOTAL: -208


another day of a calorie deficit. yay! 


Ive been drinking this detox drink. a two day detox juice (which i have been taking 1-2 times over the last few days instead of 4x in 2 days... oh well!) of Acai, Papaya, Cranberry, Noni, Pomegranate, Pineapple, Coconut & Aloe Vera! But It has a bit overwhelming taste of pineapple or papaya or something, which I love tropical stuff, but nooooot that much! So im trying to mix it with lemonade instead of water this time. I have a spoon of peanut butter to cover the taste before i let go of my nostrils. haha the child approach to gagging down poor flavors. 
I dont know if its my deficit, or the drink, but ive been losing a pound a day. It's probably both. Either way, im happy. and so Im not going to change anything up til it stops working. 
Just tried the drink, without plugging my nose, and it tastes 100x better with lemonade! mmmm not so bad anymore! :) 
I dont really have much to say.
Today I went shopping for shorts and cute tops. Success. 
Although trying on clothes and nothing but mirrors and an array of people of many sizes, theres nothing that suppresses my hunger more than that. 
Trying on shorts made me realize I have quite a long way to go. for realzies. 
I love getting new clothes though, I cleaned my closet & got it back in order (its always been by color!) and ready to swag it out! ha 
Im gonna finish this juice, shower, and watch the True Life: I have an Eating Disorder videos. 
Stay lovely and thin.
xoxo 

This image is from Supersize vs Superskinny..... Her sausage fingers cant even pinch flesh on that girls tummy. Though the girl could drown in her wrinkled flesh. bleh. 

Just completed my hour pilates session.

detox juice: 60
chocolate milk: 160
Pilates: -125

Im about to go ride my horse, which should be about - 400 calories. So ill definitely be in a calorie deficit. :)

Anyways, so at pilates my trainer always pokes on my belly to make sure im tightening my abs, but I have the most awful tiny pooch above my pant line, and she always pokes me. Definite motivation to get that thing toned up immediately. how embarrassing! ....If i were her, i wouldnt want to even touch it! prodding fat. I feel like a science guinea pig. And unforunately,  no matter how much you suck in, you cant hide fat that rests on top of our tummy like- a parasite!  and no one wants a parasite!

Anyways, this was just a brief update.

Im off to go see my horsey now! 

<3

Ill check back in at the end of the day.

stay strong.

      Try this,

      Tip for the day: 

Portion control. 

Whatever you eat today, before you gobble it down, cut it/break it/ split it/ whatever... in half, and only eat 1/2 of it. Save the other half for another day, or throw it away. 

xoxo

EDIT:::::::::::::::::::::::::

Total intake:

detox juice: 60

chocolate milk: 160

Orange & tortilla chips: 150

1 cup spinach salad w 1 tbs vinaigrette & feta & steamed veggies: 65

Burned: 

Pilates: -125

Horseback riding: -250 (Couldnt get a full ride in :/ oh well) 

eliptical: -200

treadmill: -200 

NET INTAKE: -340

AND if youre looking for a good sweet snack. try, several raspberries under 2-3 tablespoons of vanilla nonfat yogurt (trader joes brand & lucerne are my favorite). Its super yummy & only about 60-100 calories. Depending on how much yogurt or how many raspberries. But its light, filling, and sweet. eases up on the guilt just a tad. (Try blackberries, or blueberries too!)

Just completed my hour pilates session.

detox juice: 60
chocolate milk: 160
Pilates: -125

Im about to go ride my horse, which should be about - 400 calories. So ill definitely be in a calorie deficit. :)

Anyways, so at pilates my trainer always pokes on my belly to make sure im tightening my abs, but I have the most awful tiny pooch above my pant line, and she always pokes me. Definite motivation to get that thing toned up immediately. how embarrassing! ....If i were her, i wouldnt want to even touch it! prodding fat. I feel like a science guinea pig. And unforunately,  no matter how much you suck in, you cant hide fat that rests on top of our tummy like- a parasite!  and no one wants a parasite!

Anyways, this was just a brief update.

Im off to go see my horsey now! 

<3

Ill check back in at the end of the day.

stay strong.

      Try this,

      Tip for the day: 

Portion control. 

Whatever you eat today, before you gobble it down, cut it/break it/ split it/ whatever... in half, and only eat 1/2 of it. Save the other half for another day, or throw it away. 

xoxo

EDIT:::::::::::::::::::::::::

Total intake:

detox juice: 60

chocolate milk: 160

Orange & tortilla chips: 150

1 cup spinach salad w 1 tbs vinaigrette & feta & steamed veggies: 65

Burned: 

Pilates: -125

Horseback riding: -250 (Couldnt get a full ride in :/ oh well) 

eliptical: -200

treadmill: -200 

NET INTAKE: -340

AND if youre looking for a good sweet snack. try, several raspberries under 2-3 tablespoons of vanilla nonfat yogurt (trader joes brand & lucerne are my favorite). Its super yummy & only about 60-100 calories. Depending on how much yogurt or how many raspberries. But its light, filling, and sweet. eases up on the guilt just a tad. (Try blackberries, or blueberries too!)

Just completed my hour pilates session.

detox juice: 60
chocolate milk: 160
Pilates: -125

Im about to go ride my horse, which should be about - 400 calories. So ill definitely be in a calorie deficit. :)

Anyways, so at pilates my trainer always pokes on my belly to make sure im tightening my abs, but I have the most awful tiny pooch above my pant line, and she always pokes me. Definite motivation to get that thing toned up immediately. how embarrassing! ....If i were her, i wouldnt want to even touch it! prodding fat. I feel like a science guinea pig. And unforunately,  no matter how much you suck in, you cant hide fat that rests on top of our tummy like- a parasite!  and no one wants a parasite!

Anyways, this was just a brief update.

Im off to go see my horsey now! 

<3

Ill check back in at the end of the day.

stay strong.

      Try this,

      Tip for the day: 

Portion control. 

Whatever you eat today, before you gobble it down, cut it/break it/ split it/ whatever... in half, and only eat 1/2 of it. Save the other half for another day, or throw it away. 

xoxo

EDIT:::::::::::::::::::::::::

Total intake:

detox juice: 60

chocolate milk: 160

Orange & tortilla chips: 150

1 cup spinach salad w 1 tbs vinaigrette & feta & steamed veggies: 65

Burned: 

Pilates: -125

Horseback riding: -250 (Couldnt get a full ride in :/ oh well) 

eliptical: -200

treadmill: -200 

NET INTAKE: -340

AND if youre looking for a good sweet snack. try, several raspberries under 2-3 tablespoons of vanilla nonfat yogurt (trader joes brand & lucerne are my favorite). Its super yummy & only about 60-100 calories. Depending on how much yogurt or how many raspberries. But its light, filling, and sweet. eases up on the guilt just a tad. (Try blackberries, or blueberries too!)

The Eagle has Landed

Before i begin, Id like to announce that JD has returned! And we've all missed her so much!! 


So after the scale sending shockwaves through my system, and an endless limit of aftershocks. Let me explain how pleased I feel to be back in control, on track, motivated, mouth shut, workin out, and being able to taste progress in substitution of fat. 
..... Huge sigh of relief. 

I tried to be healthy. 

I tried to be normal, and eat normal.

It isnt normal though when you eat, and youre screaming in your head with every bite, and chew.

and it isnt normal to change your outfit 20 times before you can find something to hide that fat that only you can see. 

it isnt normal to be classified as underweight, and secretly wanting to lose another 30 pounds. 

and of course i could go on and on,

SO when i say i tried to be normal, and eat normal. there was nothing normal about it. 

and i guess nothing honest about it. 

so why would i fake it? 
I was tired of trying to convince myself that I had to do this. 
I didnt want to, (it was a test my therapist told me to try, to get my body back on track), I still felt extreme guilt, I got totally out of control, gained weight, have been hating my body, ...  everything has just been far too overwhelming, and so , its my body- and we only have one body (im not going to slip into a religious/spirituality/reincarnation conversation right now), so why would i not do everything in my power to make my one body something i am happy and proud to be locked in. 

My therapist knew that after my breakdown that I am not going to be able to eat easily. And I talked to her this afternoon and had eaten nothing.

I started a new food log, keeping track of what i eat, what time i eat it, how many calories. total calories, & net calories, exercise, weight, and measurements. daily.  Its a lovely 5"x3" moleskin journal . I keep it with me all day, and am dedicated to staying on track, and when i have to write everything down, it obviously helps me from slipping up and snacking, because even having to write down 1 bite of whatever, is a full line in the book, which visually- looks like a lot! (Even if it was just, 1 bite of an apple, or whatever)... 


Also i was talking to my roommate and explaining how unhappy ive been with my weight, and how ive gained and want to get back down to where i was. and she got all serious and explained that shes not trying to make me feel better because she knows its how i feel and she understands the feeling, but people have always thought i was "way too skinny. too too skinny".... and that she, and no one else, has seen any change in that. It was nice to hear that... but ultimately, doesnt change my opinion at all. 
it would be so easy if all our evil lil thoughts could go away with reassurance, or a compliment, or whatever makes us feel good. Its actually irrelevant. You think im too skinny? ... then you dont even know what skinny is woman! heh 


So, INTAKE:
2pm: detox juice (60 cal)
6pm: 1/2 yerba mate tea (35 cal)
8pm: hamburger w feta, no bun (300 cal) 
                     ----i was NOT planning on dinner but my roommate wanted to have a "family dinner night" and we've been so busy i wanted to spend time w her so i felt obligated to. at least no bun though, right?! :/ 


EXERCISE: 
-200 on eliptical
-200 on treadmill, walking, at incline 15. 
-178 for hundreds of sit-ups 


395
-578
=  -183 


I am so excited to be back in control. I felt (for the first time in months) shaky, and dizzy ... that of course being before the beef patty placed in front of me. grrr. 
Its okay, tomorrow, I have pilates, horseback riding, prolly gym too. and Im estimating no more than 200-300 calories (detox juice, and something before riding). 




Thinspo celebration for being back on track. 
I've seen a lot of bloggers try to be healthy, or leave... and it seems like everyone is coming back, and catching up with dear ol' ana. 
and heres for them, and for the people who are staying on track and doing fabulous! , and to the people who need a lil extra boost! 
xoxo