sherm and shaved head

Ive screwed up terribly in the last two days... but starting right now things can change. and they will. no more excuses.

I met up with a friend last night who had a total psychotic breakdown and is most likely still very insane, but hes all about living in the moment, not letting things or excuses getting in the way, and no bullshit or whatever. dont think, just do. dont be cautious. etc. its very balls out. but i like it to a degree.
so i begin....

woke up early for once...
I had been sleeping in till around 12-4 pm. but staying up till 3-7 am.

today i had to wake up at 7 to get ready and drive my cousin down to long beach for work.
So i stayed up and did something productive.

its going to be so weird this week, for the last two months we've been falling asleep together-not sleeping together haha, bc he use to be married (marriage while in a deep addiction is not the best idea) so he's used to sleeping next to people, and hates sleeping alone now. so now ive gotten use to sleeping next to somebody. anyways, its nothing sexual or weird or incest.
so now hes at work for a week, and itll be the first night sleeping alone. haha its contagious!

Intake:
1 sl toast
1 cookie

Burned:
liiiiike 700 calories at the gym doing personal training.

i hadnt gone to training since before finals and have totally felt it and saw it. glad to be back!

going to chew & spit a mini pizza right now, pizza and sandwiches are good foods to spit, they clump together well so any bits rarely slip down your throat.

then tonight im going to a talk w a friend put on by the people who make Spongebob and theyre going to talk about the show, which is awesome!
and then to burbank to hang out w another friend.
busy day, but itll keep me distracted..

ive been watching Freaks & Geeks, Sons of Anarchy and a lot of movies based on psychiatric wards in the 60's & 70's  and im totally obsessed with that style. the attitude. the clothing. the people...
anyways,
im going to cancel my therapy appointment this week, I want to shock my therapist and prove that im not eating, i dont think shes taking me too seriously lately, and honestly i dont blame her. ill go days without food, and then slip up, and itll ruin all my results, so it seems like im all talk. im my head im really sick, but to the eye im just a normal average thin girl. gggggreat.
well, im off to read your blogs.
xoxo

Im going to start posting often, and everything, to keep me on track...

so far today:

7 cheetos: 50 cals ?
1/2 pesto turkey sandwich (chewed and spit) : 0 cals
1 york bar: 140

walk: -100

net: 90 cals

I feel like ive sort of gotten out of the loop on this since i changed blogs...
93 followers to 8
I use to read everyones blog daily and get so inspired, and now its something i have to remember to do
I dont know whats changed, but im trying to really appreciate this place more, and dont take it for granted basically.
Ive been working out, not as much as i should be- otherwise i wouldnt be on here complaining...
ive been eating minimal, but i have slip ups, unfortunately.
the boy i like is still dating the same bitch (im not bitter, well i guess i am, but she really is a bitch. he thinks so too but for some reason refuses to leave her even though hes unhappy... lame-o the clown!)
My cousin is still staying w me, he might move in permanently, and my roommie might be moving to PA to design clothes for Free People. exciting and super depressing.
Working on new art projects and trying to start life after college on a good note.
therapy goes up and down, the other day she started brining up dated, guys, sex, etc. and i didnt want to talk about that- it got really annoying, we ended up on this very awkward topic of her telling me that i should go home and touch myself or something (bc im too picky when it comes to guys, and always end up trying to go for the guys that are almost impossible to get... i love the challenge, and sometimes it works, but currently i like a guy in a relationship 7 hours away, and a guy who i barely know and talk to). Anyways, the therapy session got way awkward after that, im not here to discuss that, i want to stick to the main points! now im dreading the next session, im crossing my fingers she forgot- but therapists seem to remember every stupid detail about anything so i highly doubt it. maybe ill cancel this week, after two weeks im sure i can come up with enough drama about other stuff to fill 50 minutes.
today i went on a lunch date w a friend of a friend, bad idea. he was cool the first time i hung out w him, but i must have been out of it. he was a total bro/surfer/stoner kid. Super rad person, but so not my dating type. so, fail.  The guy w the gf text me today saying he doesnt like me dating. he thinks im wonderful and misses me. yup. that doesnt help me out at all besides driving me crazier!
anyways, im going to hopefully work out tonight, and get some work done.
hope you ladies are all well.
ill be on here much more often i hope.
xoxo
stay strong!

Thinspo: Heroin Chic

Posting via iPhone, so a quick update for such a long absence.

Intake has been great.
2 days ago: mini frozen yogurt
Yesterday: 1/2 sandwich
Today: 10 tortilla chips

Its been like that (more or less) for a few weeks. & No feelings of insane hunger. Just focused on the feeling of control & thinning. It's amazing. I almost forgot how great this is. I've been flip floppy for so long. I've got it back.
:)
Xoxo
I'll be back here regularly again real soon!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

3:44 pm

Hey ladies,
sorry ive been away.. I went home for a few days.
Things are well though.
Ive been averaging 1/2 a sandwich a day..

My cousin has been staying w me and he knows kinda about my eating. He knows that i dont eat, and he knows that i take pills too.
He is recently recovered from his own addiction so its a nice lil sick-understanding...
He covers for me too. When i dont eat, he'll tell my mom, "WE ate lunch not too long ago"
but he tells me i need to eat. but wont push me. he knows...

 anyways..
so i think im losing. slowly but surely.
I just purchased a candle, "Mulled Cider" by Village Candle that reminds me of two winters ago when I was in my most sick point. and it keeps me motivated. which is odd but amazing... smells are ridiculously powerful when it comes to memory so im glad i found this candle again.

I have to leave to go to a art museum opening right now though, but ill catch up with you all soon.
XOXO
-JANE DOE