Intake (all after 7pm):
1 can soup: 175
4 trader joes cheese appetizer puffs: 300
1 cup yogurt: 160

Burned:
600

Net: 35

I get through the entire day with no food no problem. its the nights that kill me. im home. Im alone (for another week). and I give in. im so freaking weak. but at least i burn it all (or most of it) off right? at least i dont sit on my fat booty stuffy my pudgy face and then just lay on the couch and fall asleep like a rollie pollie.... yeah?
I hope im losing weight.

Todays intake:
1/2 whole wheat wrap w scrambled egg, onion & bell pepper & spinach
1 mini taco w chicken
1 string cheese

I was very unhappy i had to go to brunch this morning. i mean i enjoyed the company i was with. parents and close family friends/ fellow artists. but still.. I never eat breakfast and whenever i do, it spurs all sorts of ridiculous "im hungry" feelings throughout the day. But it could have been worse. I walked up to the fridge about 10 times today probably, and left only with the string cheese once... and then the taco for dinner.
I plan to go on a run tomorrow.. along with some work. Finally graduated, its about time i get started on some new projects finally!
Anyone want to be part of my anonymous pen pal project that i will be turning into a book? haha
Im exhausted & dont have much to say.
But i am re-watching Dexter season 4 until 5 arrives, and 6 airs... and Deb is amazingly thin and toned. I am so jealous... And that kept me from grabbing any food from the fridge today. So I need to keep my minty gum on me at all times and surround myself with that motivation almost every 10 minutes and maybe i can fast again.
I have become so embarrassingly weak about this... I use to fasts for days and days! A week with no food and I was good. Now if i go till dinner im ready to give in, thinking i did well and can reward myself with something small. What am i thinking?!  But im changing that around slowly. Decreasing intake, and eventually fasts.. and back to calorie deficits at the end of every day.
we'll all get to a point where we can be happy..

Today's Intake:
1 small flour tortilla w grilled chicken (170)
1 string cheese (80)

Yesterday's Intake:
1 crepe ("hot margarita crepe")  (200)
1 slice toast (60)
1 starbucks drink, no whip (100)

Intake has been pretty okay. Could be better, but im not out of control, which is all that really matters at this point. If i can just keep up this pace for awhile, then everything will be just fine. I can feel myself getting better. I actually wore a fitted shirt yesterday that was tight around my torso and it looked good, until I had my crepe, then i felt immediately disgusting!

in other news, I just hung out w the boy tonight, the one who has the gf and him and i have had this intense connection and tension for years and stuff, but finally i think im over it. Ready to move on. He had the chance and it passed and thats his deal, i cant wait around for him, and no one wants that kind of person anyways. so theres not point in letting myself be that pathetic. on to better things. :)

Im very excited to begin new art projects. Im starting one now where I am going to attempt to be pen pals with strangers by finding random addresses on google maps and just send out letters and hopefully a few will respond. I try to be optimistic when projects rely heavily on other people participating. Then after awhile of writing, im going to make a book of all my letters and their letters, and this very distant and possibly conjured relationship.

Getting started writing has been difficult. I want to write. I spend my days thinking about writing, and going to antique stores and looking for more objects, letters, and photographs for my next Collection piece. But its hard to actually get around to doing these things.

Ive been in a very calm mood lately, so all my dubstep and hip hop and metal has sort of had a break, and ive been mixing new releases and old fav's...this is my current playlist:
Tunes im diggin at the moment:


High for This; The Weeknd
Wild is the Wind; Cat Power
Last Song; Clogs (w/ Matt Berninger)
Best Unsaid; Michael Brook
Death to Birth; Pagoda (Michael Pitt)
Minnesota, WI; Bon Iver
Doing the Wrong Thing; Kaki King
Codex; Radiohead
Right Away, Great Captain (the entire "The Bitter End" album is brilliant)
Directionless Front; Carcrashlander
The Kettering; The Antlers
Be Comfortabe, Creature; Explosions in the Sky

& Music (Instrumental) inspired Thinspo