Wicket

soooomeone got a puppy!! .... now tell me, how could this lil guy be a rescue?! left all by himself, all alone, in a shelter? He is the sweetest pup too! nothing but love and kisses. he's sitting right by my side as im typing this out. 

my last dog, who's at my old house with my parents and brother, does not like me after the first 3 minutes of my arrival. Shes full of excitement and then she wants nothing to do with me, till my next visit arrival. jerk! I was so worried going into getting this one. I just didnt want a repeat. dogs are suppose to love us!  im like, love me?? ... no! ... ok :(  .... la la la la im a dog la la la... thank goodness he was different! 

 

This guy, whenever i leave his sight he starts whining and crying! and if hes sleeping and i get up to go to the kitchen or my room, each like 10 feet away, he'll wake up, walk over to me, and then lay back down. he hates to be away from me. Which makes me SOOO excited. finally a dog that loves me! even if it is prison love. love by force. haha 

so he totally reminds me of a little ewok! so he came with the name Chuck, but im renaming him to, Wicket.. i think. :) what do ya think?? 

Good news and bad news i suppose.
Maybe its good news and good news. Depends on how i look at it.
It flip flops throughout the day depending on whether im feeling optimistic :) or pessimistic >:/ 
so, 3 days ago, while being at home and gorging myself like a beefer, i , along with my brother, got really really really sick and we both ended up throwing up everything we had in our tummies. There was nothing left in our stomachs after our rushed trips to the loo. heh 
Whats funny, maybe not, is when i first felt nauseous, and my brother said he threw up and felt a lot better, i was like... ok, i gotta throw up! (and ive only purged 2 times in my life. not my thing) but i run to the bathroom and stick a toothbrush down my throat trying to vomit so i can feel better, then it hits me.... this isnt normal behavior. haha people just wait till they feel sick enough and it travels up their throat "naturally".. oh well. i emptied my stomach for 2 days and nothing sounded appetizing. so i hope thats a few pounds i lost. :)   (good news) 
bad or maybe good news, I was working at a gallery, and left on a trip because i just graduated from college and i didnt give them enough warning ahead of time...  so i come in today, a week later, and i go to walk to my desk area, and a new intern walks around... immediately im like; oh shit, this isnt a good sign!  (interns are never double booked). Yada Yada Yada (Seinfeld reference, please please please you all better be fans. haha) so, yada yada yada she ends up letting me go. Im just like, "thats fine." I hand her the key to the gallery and leave. Had a beautiful day to myself. So sounds like bad news right. getting fired usually isnt the thing to put a smile on your face unless you work in a cubicle in a dimly lit office building in the middle of no where with poor odors floating around, and then you quit while causing a bit dramatic scene for a sweet revenge after 8 years of contemplating the best way to quit. But, 1) i do not want to own a gallery. I do want to show in one, but not own. So ive learned all that i can there basically. 2) im not going to start working for other artists which is what i actually want to do until i can be a working artist myself and get paid to do my thang. I have 1 photographer (SUPER famous) who requested me, we have mutual friends, but im going to do some stuff for him which is really exciting. and then do a few more assisting stuff till i ...."get discovered"- whatever that really means. 
I start looking for a studio this week w some friends from school. very excited to have a work space !! im freaking out though, without school and structure and completely up to me to be motivated, and critical, and awesome- its difficult. but im excited. i get freaked out about 3 times a day still, so im anticipating a lot more restricting in these times of the unknown. 
aaaaanyways, thats basically it for now.  i mean i have a lot to share i guess,
i went to NYC for a week, then back up to norcal, hung out with my brother and his friends for a week, (one i see all the time down here in la, and another one is one that admitted he liked me like 5 times now? so it was a bit awkward. he took the harsher/sarcastic/meanie friend approach this time. he wasnt mean, but it was definitely awkward and different.) 
anyways now im back to la. working on my life, get to see my horse, going to look for a puppy, and try to just chill and not be a total controlling spaz. 
to distract me, i decided to be a total nerd and do an x files marathon. I only remember like 5 episodes from when i was a kid and my brother had them (he has 4 bookcases full of dvds!! my own personal rental store) so its a good distraction. boy situation, cant even talk about. nothings happening and its driving me crazy. 
im going to go work out now i think. i need to do something and that something will not involve eating! so might as well do the opposite. :} 
i plan on catching up with you all this week. 
xoxo 

I know its been forevers since ive been on, so imma do a brief update. 
1. after graduating college, and still feeling like im in second grade, ive traveled to NYC for a week and then have been up in norcal for a few days mellowing out till i return to the busy city of LA looking for a studio, so i can work on my art and be like.... professional? haha 
2. im a planker now. haha (see also, facebook page)
3. I got back on a dirt bike for the first time in about 5 years? rode my dads 250 around for about an hour, and the lil 60 for about 30 min. raced my brother, slid out on dry grass and hurt my knee. but woke up today with my entire body aching from workin my muscles! which means, rad work out! :) 
4. brothers friend in town, and a total junk food addict. he has been eating, mcdonalds, big gulps, snickers, doritos, cheetos, etc.... and trying to bring me down with him. Ive been fairly good, but lets just say... will power got weak at times. im on it though! tomorrow, liquid fast. easy easy. i got this. 
5. another text buddy. yay! Thin or Not. So happy to have another source of support.  She seems lovely, cant wait to talk more. 
6. im supa tired and just played monopoly and watched old school 80s/90s wwf wrestling on dvds w brother and friends. those mullets and rad neon patterned leggings are just too legit. haha 
7. i get to see my bestie / boy crush tomorrow night. super super excited. and super super frustrated. we are SOOO flirtatious and there is so much energy between us, but he is too cowardly to break up w the gf (who he is def not into, and fights w all the time- er, she just yells at him while he takes it). I just cant even say how wrong the entire situation is, but im upset that he wont actually do the right thing, and he's basically all talk. I guess its best i know that now, but i still cant help but want him. oh well. i can be happy as just friends i guess. i just need a new male distraction. lol
8. came across a funny (non-ana-related) blog, that is hilarious: Hyperbole and a Half  Check it out yo. its worth a light ab workout with all the laughs. 
9. its time for bed. feeling like a fatty rollie pollie and want to leave my meanie-head. 


goodnight ladies. 
xoxo 
THINKIN THIN THOUGHTS. :} 

I was on track. Perfectly on track.
 a smoothie a day. a fast. keeping it under 200 a day, plus work outs. then...graduation.
So im a college graduate now. And that sounds so old! college graduates are like....adults! real adults! grown ups! hahaha i feel like im still 8! haha
anyways, so this week has been nothing but lunches and dinners and family and school receptions and etc etc etc.
So ive been fairly good, but lets just say, ive slipped up.
Feeling like a total fatty. looking like one to!
Getting back on track. I will get there!
Im going out of town this weekend for a few days, I hope i can stay focused enough to not stuff my face. I think i can do well.
Anyone want a text buddy, i need to stay in check so i can no longer slip up on little things.
anyways, Im off to the gym. waddle off my excess....

ps. i got my tattoo! it looks amazing.
braille... inner wrist.
its rad!!

love you ladies!
xoxo

so as you know, or at least the ones who've been keeping up for awhile- im a restrictor. I cant purge, just physically couldnt. and i dont really go into binges due to an overwhelming immediate feeling of guilt and disgust.
Today, last day of school. I went out to dinner with my friend to celebrate:
1 taco
1 chile relleno
chips & beans
I got home, and felt so gross..... you know how many hours im going to have to spend at the gym? and just to possible break even??
so, determined- i grabbed my toothbrush and didnt leave the bathroom till i got as much as i could out.
It was hard to judge. Im sure theres more, but anything is better than nothing and im still going to the gym now. but without as much guilt and anger.
So i wanted to share this breakthrough exciting moment of my first purge. hahaha i dont plan on doing it much. Im still a restrictor. but,its nice to know i can do it if i need to in these cases. :)
 love you ladies.
xoxo

so as you know, or at least the ones who've been keeping up for awhile- im a restrictor. I cant purge, just physically couldnt. and i dont really go into binges due to an overwhelming immediate feeling of guilt and disgust.
Today, last day of school. I went out to dinner with my friend to celebrate:
1 taco
1 chile relleno
chips & beans
I got home, and felt so gross..... you know how many hours im going to have to spend at the gym? and just to possible break even??
so, determined- i grabbed my toothbrush and didnt leave the bathroom till i got as much as i could out.
It was hard to judge. Im sure theres more, but anything is better than nothing and im still going to the gym now. but without as much guilt and anger.
So i wanted to share this breakthrough exciting moment of my first purge. hahaha i dont plan on doing it much. Im still a restrictor. but,its nice to know i can do it if i need to in these cases. :)
 love you ladies.
xoxo

Next week im getting a small tattoo. something in code. some todays thinspo, are beautiful ladies with tats. :) 

My designs are based on codes. Im either going with braille, morse code, or something cryptic like hobo chalk marks (bottom).  I really like the braille. :) 

thoughts?