Thursday- no food all day. 1 sl pizza at 8.
Friday- no food all day. 2 tacos at 6:30
Saturday- a raw kale salad for lunch. and then a cup of pasta and a little bit of chili for dinner.
Being back in school has helped a lot. It keeps me busy, distracted, and stuck in rooms where I cant get up and grad snacks anytime i want. I just need to figure out how to keep from diving into food at the end of the day.
I think i fool myself. Because I was eating "healthily" prior to this, that i convince myself i should be able to eat every night since i didnt eat anything all day. like a reward, but in reality, im just ruining any progress i could have made that day.
I can see some things changing though.
My knees are a bit more knobby.
I can see the muscle definition starting to surface beneath the fat on my thighs.
When i put my hands on my waist, my ribcage is beginning to feel narrower again.
Theyre small changes, nothing dramatic or exciting yet, but its progress.
I still feel like fatty, and soft, and just an "average" looking girl.
I miss the frailty.
Also,
in one of my classes, one person was making work all about body and self image, it had works about cutting, and what i automatically perceived as an ED. whether thats my own mind interpreting it because its on my mind, or because it was about it. Which i totally think it was. I made the mistake once about making work about this. I dont think i ever could again. The whole school was murmuring about me and this project.
I too would think it was about an ED. You are doing very well, don't be so hard on yourself for eating. You need something to keep your metabolism going! What are your stats?
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