Thursday- no food all day. 1 sl pizza at 8.
Friday- no food all day. 2 tacos at 6:30
Saturday- a raw kale salad for lunch. and then a cup of pasta and a little bit of chili for dinner.
Being back in school has helped a lot. It keeps me busy, distracted, and stuck in rooms where I cant get up and grad snacks anytime i want. I just need to figure out how to keep from diving into food at the end of the day.
I think i fool myself. Because I was eating "healthily" prior to this, that i convince myself i should be able to eat every night since i didnt eat anything all day. like a reward, but in reality, im just ruining any progress i could have made that day.
I can see some things changing though.
My knees are a bit more knobby.
I can see the muscle definition starting to surface beneath the fat on my thighs.
When i put my hands on my waist, my ribcage is beginning to feel narrower again.
Theyre small changes, nothing dramatic or exciting yet, but its progress.
I still feel like fatty, and soft, and just an "average" looking girl.
I miss the frailty.
Also,
in one of my classes, one person was making work all about body and self image, it had works about cutting, and what i automatically perceived as an ED. whether thats my own mind interpreting it because its on my mind, or because it was about it. Which i totally think it was. I made the mistake once about making work about this. I dont think i ever could again. The whole school was murmuring about me and this project.
