STICKS & BONES

i freaking miss the boy so much. I swear i probably am thinking about him 98% of my day.. NESSA, youre right- this puppy love feeling only lasts for so long, so im going to get as much of it as i possibly can. 

he comes back monday. The days seem to enjoy slowing, making it an even more painful process. I feel like we're going to be literally inseparable (though we already were) but if possible, even more now.. Ive known him my whole life, so to see him be affectionate and cute and all that is so bizarre, and gives me those exciting-chills, and i feel like i couldnt be luckier to be in this position. 

Im so conscious of everything though, like too calculated. Its worked out well though.. 

I never show jealousy or concern- confidence is way more attractive and guys definitely resort to cheating when the girl becomes the psycho paranoid bitch, so calm and cool is the way to be. 

I never say i love you, first. ever. big no. 

I didnt say "I miss you" first (with this specific situation/ week apart) 

Im very independent and a go-getter in a lot of aspects, but i have a good balance with a sweet/soft side. its important to have both.. 

every word, movement, whatever that i do- is so over-analyzed... but in all these years, ive had every guy ive pursued like me back, and have never been broken up with.. its nice to be on that side.

Anyways, I cant wait till he gets back, i feel sick just only being able to think about him, but not being able to do a thing about it. 

food-wise, i was doing so well, eating minimal, and working out everyday. today screwed me up due to a family dinner... intake probably no more than 500-600 cals i think? But still, ive been ending my days around 0 so i feel bloated and full and fat and disgusting. I need to get in shape for the boys return. ;) 

those are the only 2 things really been occupying my thoughts lately, sorry i couldnt be more exciting but i havent slept in two-three days and am part way through my zombie transformation. its a painful process and im losing control of my phalanges, so im going to get off now. heh 

xoxo 

JANEDOE