Intake: 1/2 plate nachos/ 1 churro. 4 diet pills
Spit & Chew: 1 sandwich, chips.
bad day. could have been worse. I got zero sleep last night and needed energy, i felt absolutely pathetic relying on food for energy.
Ive been feeling absolutely nauseous the last few days, it makes it easy not to eat. So i hope it lasts. Even though ive been failing pretty bad with my liquid fast. :/ dont judge. heh Ill get it right eventually. I need my skin to wrap itself tightly around my frame soon though, I am going to talk to people at an ED treatment facility for a research-ish project, and I cant appear to be so wanna-be esk. My body must match my mind. Is it pathetic that we compete and try to prove our illness? Maybe, but either way... in treatment or out, were all just in competition; with others and even ourself.
I miss talking to the boy, it physically aches. Not as bad as a lost love, but its just this painful nagging, that never ceases. I know i did the right thing in telling him that I couldnt fool around while he's interested in another girl, and still not quite over his ex. As much as I want to give in just to feel that returned affection, it would only hurt more. But going from talking ALL DAY, to barely talking every couple days, wtf man?! Ive known him for like 8 years, this abrupt lull in communication is frustrating. I trusted him to be one guy NOT to hurt me, and it sucks. I have to be angry with him, otherwise the sadness and disappointment is too overwhelming. Being mad simplifies the drama, on the surface. That and staying busy. I hope the girls end up being bitchy and cheap; and realizes what he passed up on for them. :p stupid stupid boys.
I wish I had an in person ana buddy here in LA.. hang out, keep each other distracted and motivated, help each other along in our process. My one friend who knows is recovering, and suggests i do too; which doesn't quite fit for my ideal dynamic.
Oh.
Stomach hurts.
Eyes heavy.
Sleep is near.
I hope.....
(I want this sweater!...)
(and this bear head!)
(and these shorts.....lol)
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