How come the boys you want- are the ones you cant get? and the boys you dont want, are the ones confessing their feelings?
Although the boy that i really really like (who is also one of my bestest friends, told me he had another 'explicit' dream about me. usually its me dream-raping him, but he said this time he initiated it. haha every conversation we have now definitely crosses the platonic line, and he is back in a relationship, but there is no doubt that him and I have this extreme "chemistry"... and we both want each other, but the timing is just so off. And the other boy i like, i dont really know... but im working on it!!
and while im going through all of this, THREE friends in the past couple months have confronted me with their feelings of attraction towards me, and I am so awful at rejection and all, its horrible... its so awkward!
Anyways, 'the friend who confessed' spent an entire day over here with me, and he was making food, nonstop!! I did a pretty good job of not eating as much as possible... but i was SO full, that it was painful. literally, aching. I dont purge, but i wish I could have at that point!! ugh.
So obviously i gained some weight, i think just a pound or so.... so im back on the withdrawal of restricting. Feelings of hunger, but its more comforting than feelings of fat.
Intake:
2 eggs w onion/pepper/& a bit of cheese (200 cal)
chocolate square (80)
(thats all im going to have today. I almost said, Plan on having today.... but no. I have control over what i consume. this is it! thats all.)
I miss you girls, i havent really been on just for a few days, and i feel like its been months!!
xoxo
heheh look at you, you little heart-breaker! Just be patient and you'll get there. I spent two years having very impure thoughts about my best friend, I was so head over heals for him and he had no idea... but, four bottles of wine later and we've been dating for over a year and are moving in together! so you can have it if you want.
ReplyDeletexxx