I feel as if i have lost all control over what i shove into my mouth.
Its not true, every moment of my day is walking to and from the the kitchen; i can only eat two things today, one food item and one drink... do i want to waste my calories on that? no... (walk away).. and im battling these back and forth thoughts all day. And then when it comes to the evening, i cant help but just snack..and im screaming to myself- repeating over and over that i need to put the food down, spit what is in your mouth into the trash! get it out get it out! you just worked off the calories! youre screwing up! youre never going to get thin this way! ..... its non stop. a few months ago, i had no problem, satisfied with 1 can of coke zero a day. what happened? Im heavier than i was a year ago by a couple pounds and it seems impossible to get it off! im panicking.... im working out, throwing 8 diet pills down my throat a day, living on 100-200 calories a day, and im not losing anything! i feel like i cant do anything right anymore.... i feel folds in my skin, fat spilling over my jeans, fat building up under my skin, at some point its just going to come push its way through my pours... hah how sick would that be? :/ eww.
I have had no energy, no focus, no motivation, and its all for nothing so far...
im going home this week for thanksgiving, i have to go to 2 dinners! one will be almost no anxiety (almost none..), the other will be high anxiety.. And i might see the boy i like while im there... SUPER HIGH anxiety. things are complicated! and im seeing a friend/ex while im back there too...
What are some of your guys' safe foods? I want to try to re-work my intake foods and figure out a new plan. any suggestions? :)
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