Sometimes I wish i didnt care.
I wish that hurt and pain didnt exist. I wish that longing for something missing was only an abstract concept. I wish that love had only happy endings, and romance was real. Everything beautiful in this world wouldn't turn. and all the hidden evils would be exposed.
This empty, longing feeling is burrowing deep. Eden Ahbez said, The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return (also quotes in Moulin Rouge). what a beautifully true statement.
I wish that all people could see the beauty in everything.. It allows daily life the chance to really be significant, and worth while. Thats one thing I absolutely love about being an artist. In literally everything, there is beauty and curiosity. The ability to not just look, but really see things, is such a gift; and its sad that people can blindly walk past thousands of amazing things, happily; fulfilled by their superficial Sims esk lifestyle.
I wish i could fall asleep next to the boy i love; wake up late morning, with sleepy eyes, gaze out the window, to see trees, many many trees, with damp green moss. hovered over by heavy clouds, releasing tension in a rainy song. a cup of hot chocolate, sketchbook and pen. wander the forest, even rest by the creek for an hour, at least. return to a warm home just before dark. Id give anything right now for that smell of fresh rain in heavy woods, the sound of the drips echoing accompanied by birds and shifting branches, and my footsteps on the forest floor. slip under a blanket, still able to hear the knocking of rain, my house in its falling path. Ive been trapped in this cement jungle for too long, i have taken advantage of this environment my whole life, and I am having the strongest craving!
Every action we perform in life, is analyzed far too long. Consequences and ambivalence imprison us.
I've been spending about 3 hours thinking about all this emotion; too much beauty that i want to cry... a boy that i like so much but refuses to talk to me soley so i abandoned him, waiting for my cinderella ending, with no glass slipper in sight.... a home and family, with memories of love and comfort that i wish i could wrap around me, like the blanket im currently bundled in... A beautiful score by a magnificent composer that slips you into a vulnerable victim of your own emotion... a piece of art, so well executed, a breath of awe is pulled from your mouth, humbled to be in its presence... the most genuine act of kindness... the instinctual activity of creatures and things on this planet, in harmony, our own inner-working, biology, working for us at every moment...
I wish restricting would give me everything i ever wanted.
(Beauty by means of Forest, Skies, Dirt, Cells, Surface)Some Scores I listened to while writing this:
Max Richter: On the Nature of Daylight, Organum, The Haunted Ocean 4
Max Avery Lichtenstein: Tarnation
Michael Giacchino: Win one for the reaper
Michael Suby: Kayleigh's Funeral
Javier Navarrete: Pan's Labyrinth Lullaby, Long Long Time Ago
Kevin kern: Butterfly, Fairy Wings
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