so i thought my sudden restriction, calorie deficit, and weight loss would send my therapist into a panic... nope. she asked if i wanted to come in tomorrow because "i sounded concerned"... i laughed.
yes, im concerned that i might be losing too much weight too quickly... hahaha if that was my worry, life would be just great!
No i said i was fine. She flipped through my food journal, and saw all the Net: -100's, -200's, -700's... i think. didnt say a word. or she didnt see them? I dunno. but i was shocked. and slightly insulted. I need to lose more, and more quickly. If she isnt worried, im not doing something right!
hah love our logic. right?
So the shoot went great. So much fun.
Although you can imagine my stress when i see the girls shirts arent cute semi baggy shirts, but super tight. and that thin/ultra comfy stretchy fabric that shows EVERY fat bubble on your tummy. yes. And I just so happened to have worn my black jeans, my size 25 black jeans that are slightly tight right now from my "normal eating" a few weeks ago. how embarrassing.
For most girls, its already stressful to have their picture taken as they model while 8 people watch. But me... our kind?!? hahaha major interior panic attack implosion.
Anyways, I havent slept in three days, so Im passing out. soon. goooooodnight my dears!!!
Ill post something more interesting tomorrow. But with no sleep and no food, i think my body is eating my brain. :) hahah
xoxo !
I get what you mean about our logic. When we do or think something that, deep down in the recess of our brain, we know is illogical, but have gotten so great at reasoning that it all begins to make sense.
ReplyDeleteMy DH is my biggest trigger - makes me think I'm not doing enough. When I lose 2-3 pounds in a week, he's surprised I'm not losing weight faster. I lost 7 pounds one week, and he didn't even congratulate me. Just thought it was normal. :-/
Only thing that 'concerns' him is when I don't want to eat dinner or other meals. But he's easily convinced that even the smallest amount of food is good enough.
Thank goodness he doesn't know anything about nutrition, or he would realize that even if I'm snacking all day, it is not 'normal' or healthy to only eat 300 - 700 calories per day.
As for the photo shoot - sounds stressful but fun. I bet the pictures look amazing :)
xx Lexi